Three blokes are driving around, drinking beers and having a laugh when the driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a police car telling him to pull over. The other two are really worried. "What are we going to do with our beers? We're in trouble!" "No," the driver says, "it's OK, just pull the label off your bottle and stick them on your foreheads, and the bloke pulls over. The police officer then walks up and says, "You lads were swerving all around the road back there. Have you been drinking?" "Oh, no, officer," says the driver, pointing to his forehead, "We're trying to give up, so we're on the patch."

Do you know what "Never say Never" sounds like ? its like your teacher at your classroom screaming at you and saying "don't say fuck in class!" Justin Bieber's mother often tells his friends stories of when he was little. The stories are from a few months ago. Who's that girl singing? Oh...Wait...Thats justin beiber I called Justin Bieber gay, and he slapped me with his purse. Yo Usher! Are you coming out tonight? -Nah I'm babysitting Justin Bieber! Justin Bieber always sings about girls... she must be a lesbian. Hey you guys are so mean to Justin, leave HER alone! Justin Bieber kept video of himself striping in YouTube, which caught the attention of gay manager and next day he became

Miley Cyrus shaves more often than Justin Bieber. It seems he is using her older sisters in his videos. Most of the Justin's concert are free because no one is willing to pay for it. Police are now using Justin Bieber's songs as torture devices. Even deaf cannot resist the song of Justin Bieber. Kim Kardashian received death threats from Justin Bieber fans after he jokingly tweeted that she was his girlfriend. One Justin Bieber fan tweeted that she will use her lunch money to hire a hit man. Q. What's the difference between Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga ? A. One of them has balls and it ain't Bieber. Justin Biebers new song is "if i were a boy". You've got to feel sorry for JB ........

Justin Beiber doesn't need mic to sing , no one needs mic for lip-syncing . Q: Why did the Chicken cross the Road? A:To get away from Justin Bieber!!! JUSTIN: mom i think i finally hit puberty MOM: really? how do u know? JUSTIN: I'm bleeding from my vagina. Stop making fun of him. Every time you make fun of him, you're making fun of someone's daughter. Instead of saying when pigs fly say when justin beiber hits pueberty. According to E! , Justin Bieber and Usher is in relationship and was found on late night dating. They will marry once Justin turns 18. "Justin Bieber Finally hit the Puberty" was the biggest April Fool Joke of the Year . 13yrs old Girl got detention for misspelling "B

illy Ray Cyrus: Hey Miley, When did you record that song ? Miley Cyrus : That's Justin Bieber song . Justin Bieber is borrowing cloths from Lady Gaga for her next video . Q: Why Justin Biebers use elevator most of the time ? A: To reach puberty as soon as possible. Your momma is so stupid that she think Justin Bieber is a Guy . Your mother is so stupid that she think Justin Bieber can sing. Kim Kardasian : I think i got " Bieber Fever" Doctor : No it is "Herpes". Justin staring at Gibson Guitar , " What is this thing , it has 6 strings. My guitar at home has 5 buttons . What does Justin Bieber and the crowd at Time Square for new years have in common? They're both waiting for balls to

A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane... The lady said to him, "Can you help me remove something from my breast please?" The exciting young man replied, "Wow! It will be my pleasure... So what is it?" "Your eyes, idiot!"

One Halloween a man was walking down the street and heard a thumping noise behind him. Looking behind him he saw a coffin following him, upright. He was a bit nervous and began walking a little bit faster. The coffin continued, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump". He began running and the coffin kept up and began opening and closing, ""thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap". Terrified he ran to his front door, and went inside, slamming the door and locking it. The coffin continued, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump - CRASH" it came right through the door, He ran up the stairs, and right behind him, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap, "thumpety thump, thumpety

I think my smartphone is broken. I keep pressing the Home button, but I'm still working.

Old Bubba was fishing along the Bayou for catfish one day when he spots a water moccasin slithering across the water with a toad in its mouth. Being a longtime fisherman, he knows the best bait for large catfish are toads. In a flash, Bubba grabs the snake from behind and carefully removes the toad from its mouth and puts the toad in his side bag. Fearing the angry snake would bite him; Bubba grabs his bottle of daddy's moonshine from his pocket and carefully pours 2 drops into the snake's mouth. The snake's eyes glaze over and quickly go limp. Bubba carefully places the snake back in the water. A few hours later, Bubba is just about to head back home, when he feels something tapping on his

‪16.‬A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, ''That'll be $5000.'' The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, ''That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?'' The shopkeeper answered, ''Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.'' The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. ''That one's even more expe

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button

Every time I hear the dirty word "Exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate.