What is the definition of perfect pitch? When you throw the accordion into the dumpster and it lands on the banjo. What is the definition of a quarter tone? Two oboes playing in unison. What do you call a guitar player who just broke up with his girlfriend?? Homeless. How do you know if the drum stand is level? There is drool coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

Teacher: So class, in the medieval times, the Puritan's ears were cut off if they didn't attend Catholic services. Student: I bet they didn't like the sound of that!

What do you do when you see a Mexican riding a bike? Throw a stone at him, it's your bike!

Why do blondes have litlle holes in their faces? From eating with forks!

This site is dead. There has been an all-time low in traffic. No one posts anymore. The end of the site is a tragic one, and I will miss the site. Wocka has fallen from its high branch. Submit your hate towards, but you know it's true.

One fine day.... you're just walking by.... You look at this bird.... it shits in your eye.... You don't swear.... you don't cry.... You just thank God.... that cows don't fly....

"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?" the irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded. "Madam," said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY." There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a sight of resignation as she was heard to mutter, "Well, fuck . . . I guess that's why no one was at church today."

Oedipus was a real motherfucker.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken and the road can't agree on anything.

Did you hear the one about when the Great Recession began? The President appointed a cat to chair the Federal Reserve. Do you know why? Because when a cat falls, it always lands on its feet.

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her U.S. Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question, then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

Knock knock. Who's there? Granny. Granny who? Knock knock. Who's there? Granny. Granny who? Knock knock. Who's there? Granny. Granny who? Knock knock. Who's there? Aunt. Aunt who? Aren't you glad you got rid of all those grannies?