1. You had to share a room until you were 21. 2. You try and re-use gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil. 3. You are standing next to the two largest suitcases at the airport. 4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party – and think it s normal. 5. All your children have nicknames, which sound nowhere close to their real names. 6. You know someone with 20 kids. 7. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house. 8. You can fit 10 people into a Civic. 9. Your parents never throw anything away and if you by some chance manage to get something to make it to the garbage can . . . it mysteriously appears back where it was again. 10. You have lace curtains

"One day a friend of mine called me up to tell me he was thinking of buying a computer. This guy is particularly sensitive to criticism and not exactly in the upper echelon of the IQ range, and personally I don't think he should own a programmable VCR much less a computer, but he's a good guy, so I said "good for you." The following conversation ensued: * Him: "Well, I have a couple questions though, that I thought I should ask you, cause you know about those things, right?" * Me: "Yeah, ok, what do you want to know?" * Him: "Well . . . what one should I buy?" * Me: "What do you want to do with it mostly? Play games, word processsing (blah blah blah) . . .?" Twenty minutes

Dear John, I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled and then it broke down about a mile down the road and I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbour's daughter! I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbour's daughter is 19. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help? Sincerely, Sheila John's reply... Dear Sheila,

Part 1 One day, Doraemon was walking down street. He saw Hello Kitty approaching him. Excited by the encounter, he walked towards Hello Kitty and said, "Good morning". Sadly, Hello Kitty did not reply him. Why? Answer: Hello Kitty has no mouth. ------------------------------------ Part 2 Unhappy that she broke Doraemon's feelings, Hello Kitty decided to bring along a video recorder with the words "Good Morning" recorded by someone else. She saw Doraemon crossing the street, so she approached him and pressed the button: "Good morning". This time, Doraemon did not reply her. Why? Answer: Doraemon has no ears.

Here is a series of jokes my friend told me. They were hilarious, and I thought I should share it with everyone. Apologies for any dupes. You: Want to hear a corny joke? Them: Ok You: Where do you plant corns in a farm? Them: Don't know. Where? You: At the CORNers You: Do you want to hear a cornier joke? Them: Yes You: (pull one lower eyelid) CORNEA! (goofy tone) You: Do you want to hear a long joke or a short joke? Them: Long joke You: Jjjjjoooooookkkkkkkeeeee (drag as long as you can) Them: Short joke You: Jo' (say it very really fast) Enjoy! :)

Man- "Jesus Christ! I can't open this hard drive." Jesus- "Use the torx, Luke."

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama bin Laden made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington. "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose. James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee. Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America. As he writhe

Whats the difference between a black man and a farm tractor? Nothing! The tractor is just an upgrade!

1. You consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by. 2. If you're proud that Alaska makes the national news 96 nights each year because Trapper Creek is the coldest spot in the nation. 3. If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year. 4. If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead. 5. If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of jellied moose nose. 6. If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time. 7. If you have either a pet or child named "Bear".

1. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches. 2. If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number. 3. If you know how to say Matanuska, Tokositna, Kichatna, Oshetna, Bodenburg and Muktuk. 4. If you think that ketchup is one of the seven main food groups. 5. If your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a motor home on the highway. 6. If your whole family wears mukluks to church on Sunday. 7. If you see people wearing camouflage at social events - including weddings and funerals.

My doctor says I have insomnia, but I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.

Entitled To One Phone Call Two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and possession of marijuana when they were found naked, enjoying a joint on the edge of the fountain in the town square. The arresting officer, unable to reach their parents, gave them each one phone call. A half hour later, a man entered the station. The sergeant said, "I suppose you're the kids' lawyer?" "Nope," the chap replied. "I'm just delivering their pizza!"