Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had no frontal lobe.

If rock is wet, it is raining. If rock is green, it rained a while ago. If rock is white, it is snowing. If rock is shaking, there is an earthquake. If rock is dry, the weather is fair. If rock is swinging, it's windy. If rock is warm, the sun is out. If rock is not visible, it's dark outside. If rock is under water, there is a flood. If rock is gone, there is a tornado (Run!!)

A heavy-set woman goes into a drug store and asks for talcum powder. The bowlegged clerk says, "Walk this way," and the woman answers, "If I could walk that way I would not need talcum powder!"

How does boodler reproduce? By Fucking Battery's fat-Shit-and-cum filled ass

Battery Fucked Boodler's ass hard and soft yesterday! Maybe zat explains z growth in z population recently!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

boodler---> kind of sounds like Boob blur! and zats why battery fucks boobler 69 times a day.

"Pass me the shellfish," said Tom crabbily. "That's the last time I'll stick my arm in a lion's mouth," the lion-tamer said off-handedly. "Can I go looking for the Grail again?" Tom requested. "I unclogged the drain with a vacuum cleaner," Tom said succinctly. "I might as well be dead," Tom croaked. "We just struck oil!" Tom gushed. "They had to amputate them both at the ankles," Tom said defeatedly. "Who discovered radium?" asked Marie curiously. "Hurry up and get to the back of the ship," Tom said sternly.

"Oh, I'm not a professor," he said quickly. "I'm a professional balloonist, parachute jumper. Give exhibitions at county fairs. Leap for life, and all that sort of thing. I guess you mean my friend. He's smart enough for a professor. Invented a lot of things. How much is the damage?" "No professor?" cried Miss Perkman indignantly. "Why I understood from Miss Nestor that she called some one professor." "I was referring to my friend, Mr. Swift," said Mary. "His father's a professor, anyhow, isn't he, Tom? I mean Mr. Swift!" "I believe he has a degree, but he never uses it," was the lad's answer. "Ha! Then I have been deceived! There is no professor present!" and the old maid drew herself u

A Scottish highlander is asked what his three wishes would be. He first wishes for a lake full of whisky. His second wish is for a similar quantity of good food. When asked for his third wish, after a moment of indecision, he asks for a second lake full of whisky.[2]

The confused protagonist suddenly finding himself in the presence of the genie, who informs him that he has one wish left; he has just used the second wish to completely undo the effect of the first, including his own memory of making it. Undaunted, the protagonist makes his third wish, only to have the genie comment wryly (just before disappearing) that he wished for the same thing the first time.

Milk production at a dairy farm was low so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking help from academia. A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data, where the task of writing the report was left to the team leader. Shortly thereafter the farmer received the write-up, and opened it to read on the first line: "Consider a spherical cow in vacuum. . . ."

When I saw that item, I said to my wife, "I don't think spaghetti grows on trees", so we'd looked it up in Encyclopædia Britannica. Do you know, Miall, Encyclopædia Britannica doesn't even mention spaghetti.