"Big foot is blurry... that's the problem!"

"It would be funny if, while performing an abortion, someone yelled 'abort! abort!'"

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Race is just a pigment of the imagination.

If all those sweet young things were laid end to end – I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

Take my wife – please!

If it wasn't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

I have a map of the world... its actual size.

The Armenian Radio was asked: "Is it possible to enjoy life to the fullest in the Soviet Union?" The Armenian Radio answers: "Yes, if you like crowded trains."

The Armenian Radio was asked: "Is it good to have sex with an open window?" The Armenian Radio answers: "Yes, but with a woman it is better."

The Armenian Radio was asked: "Is it true that in Moscow, Mercedes cars are being given to citizens?" The Armenian Radio answers: "Yes, but it is not Moscow but Leningrad, not Mercedes but Ladas, and not given to but stolen from."