Q: What's the difference between an elephant and a plum? A: Their color.

If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my Social Studies class; it would seem so much longer.

Q: What did Tarzan say to Jane when he saw the elephants coming? A: Here come the elephants.

Q: What did Jane say to Tarzan when she saw the elephants coming? A: Here come the plums; she was color blind.

Q: What is big and grey and comes in quarts? A: An elephant.

Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian, and it is all organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss, the police German, and it is all organized by the Italians.

Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

Would you hit a woman with a baby? No, I'd hit her with a brick.

What has four legs and ticks? A walking clock!

Q: How do you keep an idiot busy? A: Have him read this.

If you'd like to know how to keep an idiot busy for hours, go to this page: http://www.wocka.com/joke.php?id=17559

A Scottish Presbyterian is rescued after many years on a desert island. As he stands on the deck of the rescuing vessel, the captain says to him, "I thought you were stranded alone. How come I can see three huts on the beach?" - "Well," replies the castaway, "that one there is my house and that one there is where I go to church." - "And the third one?" asks the skipper. - "Oh, that's my old church."