How can you use a banana as a compass? Place a banana on the Berlin Wall. East is where a bite has been taken out of it.

Two Berlin children spoke to each other over the wall. The little girl in the West says, while eating a banana, "Look - I have a banana." The boy in the East doesn't want to be inferior to her in anything and says, full of pride: "We have socialism." The girl counters: "So, we'll have socialism soon too." The boy, triumphant: "See, then you won't have any bananas any more either!"

In the GDR, at traffic hubs and in front of supermarkets there are "banana machines". You stick a banana in and five Ostmarks come out!

A west-german boy to a ddr-boy: Why is the banana curved? The ossie replies: Why, is this curved? (old Hungarian joke)

Which three great nations in the world begin with "U"? - USA, USSR, and our (German:unsere) GDR (USA, UdSSR, Unsere DDR). (A play on the way official discourse often used the phrase "our GDR", and also often exaggerated the GDR's world status.)

The teacher asks in school: "What is the most important thing in socialism?" The students consider and little Fritz (Fritzchen) answers: "The most important thing in socialism is the human!" The teacher: "That is a good answer, Fritzchen. I will give you a B-grade." Fritzchen is dissatisfied and responds emphatically: "Would you maybe give me an A if I told you what the human's name was?"

The teacher asks: "Fritzchen, why are you always speaking of our Soviet brothers? It's 'Soviet friends'." Fritz responds: "Well, you can pick your friends."

Honecker meets Mao and asks him: "How many political opponents do you have in China?" Mao: "I estimate about 17 million." Honecker: "Oh, that's pretty much the same here." (The GDR had 17 million inhabitants)

The teacher asks: "Fritzchen, what is the difference between capitalism and socialism?" Fritz replies: "Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Under socialism, it is the other way around."

"The fact that the GDR considers itself as one of the 5 technologically most advanced power of the nations may be be given to the fact that there are only 5 fingers on a hand. " University lecture in Hungary in the 70s

Early in the morning, Honecker arrives at his office and opens his window. He sees the sun and says: "Good morning, dear Sun!" The sun replies: "Good morning, dear Erich!" Honecker works, and then at noon he heads to the window and says: "Good day, dear Sun!" The sun replies: "Good day, dear Erich!" In the evening, Erich calls it a day, and heads once more to the window, and says: "Good evening, dear Sun!" The sun is silent. Honecker says again: "Good evening, dear Sun! What's the matter?" The sun replies: "Kiss my ass. I'm in the West now."

"What's the difference between Honecker and a telephone? None! Hang up and try again."