The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down. Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybo

On a golf tour in Ireland , Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are those?" asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger. "Well, what on the good earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving" says Tiger. "Frickin 'eck" says the Irishman, "BMW think

What do you call an Irishman sitting in your backyard? Paddy O'Furniture

A tutor who tooted the flute Tried to teach two young tooters to toot Said the two to the tutor Is it harder to toot or To tutor two tooters to toot?

Broccoli, while not exoccoli, Is within an inach of being spinach.

Q. What's worse than raining cats and dogs? A. Hailing taxicabs!

A little girl got on her grandpa's lap and said, "Did God make me?" "Yes," the grandpa replied. "Did God make you, too?" "Yes," the grandpa said. "Well," the little girl said, while running her fingers down his wrinkles and looking at his thinning hair, "He sure is doing a better job nowadays."

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The 7-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7-year old says, ''When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I'll say 'hell' and you say 'ass'.'' The 4-year-old happily agrees. As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7-year-old replies, ''Aw hell, Mom, I'll just have some Cheerios." The surprised mother reacts quickly and whacks him one. The boy runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his mom, "Of course not." Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Q: Why did the blonde get pulled over by the police? A: Her headlights weren't working, so she was flashing people

Some useful descriptions of people you may come into contact with from day to day. 1. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. 2. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching. 3. A room temperature IQ. 4. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together. 5. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on. 6. A prime candidate for natural de-selection. 7. Bright as Alaska in December. 8. During evolution, his ancestors were in the control group. 9. Fell out of the family tree. 10. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. 11. Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it. 12. He's so dense, light bends around h

Did you hear about the accident at the mall? There was a power outage and a group of blondes was stuck on the escalator for 3 hours!