Premise I: Knowledge is power. Premise II: Power corrupts. Conclusion: Therefore, knowledge corrupts.

What is sin x divided by n? Canceling the "n" yields six.

A dozen, a gross, and a score Plus three times the square root of four Divided by seven Plus five times eleven Is nine squared and not a bit more.

If 1/(x-8) approaches ∞ as x approaches 8 from above, then will 1/(x-3) approach ω as x approaches 3 from above?

The below quiz will help you to determine if you are truly ready to attend college. Answer all questions below choosing one of the multiple choice answers for each question as your answer. 1) You have five minutes to get dressed before leaving for a hot date. You suddenly realize you don't have any clean socks. You: a. Rummage through the dirty laundry, sniffing each sock until finding two that don't make your eyes water. b. Cover your ankles with black shoe polish. c. Tell your date you always wished you were old enough to select your own wardrobe when Miami Vice was all the rage. d. Arrive for your date wearing nothing but an old sheet and claiming you thought tonight was the big toga

1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. 3. Employ the vernacular. 4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. 6. Remember to never split an infinitive. 7. Contractions aren't necessary. 8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 9. One should never generalize. 10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 13. Be more or less specific. 14. Understatement is always best. 15. One-word sentences

Jan 3rd, 1995 I have long heard of the lives of the privileged classes, and now I have prepared myself to experience life as a member. Tomorrow, I will don the the uniform of the academic and re-enter society, NOT as I once was, a worker and pawn of the educated classes, but as a peer of those very people. Tomorrow, I shall become an academic! Jan 4th, 1995 Dressed in a pair of green slacks with shortened legs, red cardigan and egg-yolk-stained tee-shirt; sporting a scraggly beard and armed only with a pipe, I stepped onto the university campus. Immediately upon mumbling some incomprehensible gibberish, I was greeted on with respect and awe by my fellow academia. Applying for tenure was sim

Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 2 hours. Begin immediately. Art: Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life. Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English Parliamentary System circa 1750. Prove your thesis. Chemistry: You must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds th

Super Agility: "Oh look, a bullet. Better dodge that!" *mega-jump!* Bulletproof: "Oh look, a bullet. Meh, who cares?" Super Smart: "Eureka! A Bullet! It going 60 MPH will hit me in 5 seconds if it contacts, but there is only a 1 in 7 chance it will hit me, the decimal being 0.1428571429 to the tenth pl-OOOFF!" Which do YOU want? Me: Super Agility. Comment for your choice, but it doesn't have to be one of these.

An Army brat was boasting about his father to a Navy brat. "My dad is an engineer. He can do everything. Do you know the Alps?" "Yes," said the Navy brat. "My dad has built them." Then the navy kid spoke: "And do you know the Dead Sea?" "Yes." "It's my dad who's killed it!"

The Englishman and the Scotsman both walk into a bar. The Irishman ducks under it.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and a rabbi walk into a bar. The rabbi stops and says "I think I'm in the wrong joke."