This guy at work argued with everybody that his pink oxford shirt was actually "salmon." Finally, human resources brought in a grizzly bear to settle the dispute.

Can you tell the headline by the satirical publication "The Onion" from these real headlines? "Couple recalls war years, 63 years of marriage.'' "Gun who killed officer said to have mental problems." "Smokers asked to keep butts off beach." "Volunteers needed to help abuse victims." "Study finds link between red wine, letting mother know what you really think." "Orleans seeks tenants for new jail." Answers: 1. "Sudbury Town Crier" (Massachusetts) 2. "Times-Standard" (Eureka, California) 3. "San Diego Union-Tribune" 4. "Santa Barbara News-Press" 5. "The Onion" 6. "Daily News" (Batavia, New York)

whats hitlers least favourite planet ? - jewpiter

A blonde woman in Georgia bought a magnolia tree from a local nursery but, after only a few months, its leaves shrivelled and it appeared to be on its last legs. She took some leaf samples back to the nursery and demanded an explanation. "Oh, I know exactly what's wrong with your magnolia tree, ma'am," said the manager. "Good," she replied. "What is it?" "Autumn!" he said.

Henry: Oh my enemies makes me so mad I want to kill them! Phil: I can help you with that. Henry: How? Phil: First, go to the internet cafe. When you are already using the computer make a folder and name it "Your Enemies". After that, delete the folder. Go to the recycle bin and delete the folder again. It should say "Do you really want to delete "Your Enemies"?". Click yes. Now you don't have your enemies any more. They're deleted out of this world. There's no way you can get them back unless you create them. Henry: Oh! Now I can get rid of them; but what if I decide to create them again? How can I create them again? Phil: There's no way you can create them again, Henry. To create them,

The judge summoned the opposing lawyers to his chambers. Confronting the lawyers, the judge said: "Each of you has presented me with a bribe." The lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "Mr. Hearnski, you gave me $15,000. Mr. Joy, you gave me $10,000." The judge then handed a check to attorney Hearnski. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000 to Mr. Hearnski and we'll decide this case solely on its merits!"

What do Michael Jackson and Speed Racer have in common? They both have a monkey and a small boy in their trunk.

Every man believes every woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While a recent sociological study verified this, what men don't realize is that, in women's fantasies, one man cooks while the other cleans!

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed of spending holidays in Hawaii, but were never able to save any money to do so. One day they came up with an idea - each time they had sex, they would put $20.00 bill into a piggy bank. They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year. After that time, they decided that there was enough money for their dream vacation and broke the piggy bank. The husband looked at their savings and said: "Isn't it strange - each time we had sex, I put $20.00 into the piggy, but I see tons of $50.00 bills and a few $100.00 bills." The wife replied, "Do you think that everybody is as stingy as you are?"

There was a woman who absolutely loved the music of Billy Joel and Paul McCartney. She loved them so much she decided to have their images tattooed on her body. She went to a tattoo parlor and told the artist she wanted Billy Joel tattooed on her left thigh, and Paul McCartney tattooed on her right thigh. When the job was completed, the artist gave her a mirror to inspect his work. She exclaimed that neither of the images looked like what they were supposed to be. The artist said let's get another opinion. He went out to the street and asked a drunk to come in and assist with a little problem. There sat the woman, with her legs apart, and the artist asked the drunk what he saw. He replied

It was often said that if an African American was ever voted in to be the President of the United States, that would be the the day that pigs fly. 100 days after President Barack Obama is in office, swine flu.

A young man was in town looking for a little something from the ladies. A cab driver gave him an address and told him he could find anything he wanted there. When the young man arrived, he saw a door with a small panel on it. He knocked and the panel slid open. A female voice asked what he wanted. "I want to get screwed," said the man. "OK, but this is a private club. Slide twenty bucks in the slot as an initiation fee," answered the voice. The man slid twenty dollars in the slot, the panel closed, and ten minutes passed. Nothing happened. He began to pound on the door, and the panel slid open. "Hey," exclaimed the man, "I want to get screwed!" "What?" said the voice, "Again?"