A woman was watching her son pitch in a little league baseball. He wasn't very good, walking all of the batters that came up to bat, but after every pitch, the mom was yelling wildy and cheering her wonderful son on. Because of all the batters he had walked, the score was 14-0 in the 1st inning. Finally, one little boy came up, hit a grounder, and made it safely to first. "Dang it," the mother muttered, "there goes his no-hitter."

The Chinese say: Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.

Men who walk in front of car get tired. Men who walk in back of car get exhausted.

What kind of soup do you order at a gay Chinese resturant? Cream of Yungi (Cream of Young Guy)

Saddam and an American were in the bathroom peeing in the urinals. When the American was done, he was going to leave without washing his hands. Saddam said, "You know, I learned to wash my hands." The American replied, "Well, I learned not to pee on my hands."

Yo mama is so dumb it took her an hour to make minute rice!!!

When the phone rang, she excused herself from the sofa. A few seconds later she rejoined her male companion. "Who was it?" he asked. "My husband," she replied. "I better get going," he said. "Where was he?" "Relax. He'll be late, he's playing poker with you."

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

As soon as the newlyweds returned from their honeymoon, the young bride called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away. "How did everything go?" her mom asked. "Oh, mother," she began, "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time. But, mother, on our way back, Andy started using really horrible language. Stuff I'd never heard before. Really terrible four-letter words. You've got to come get me and take me home. Please, Mother!" the new bride sobbed over the telephone. "But, honey," the mother countered, "What four-letter words?" "I can't tell you, mother, they're too awful! Come get me, please!" "Darling, you must tell me what has gotten you so upset.... Tel

A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George, but the body was so badly burned that somebody would need to make a positive identification. That task fell to George's two friends, Joe and Al. Joe: "He's burnt pretty bad, all right. Roll him over." Joe looked at the dead man's buttocks and said, "Nope, that ain't George." Thinking the incident strange, the mortician straightened up the body and said nothing. He brought in Al. Al: "Wow, he's burnt to a crisp. Roll him over." Again, "Nope, that ain't George." Mortician: "How can you tell?" Al: "George had two assholes." Mortician: "What? How could he have two assholes?" Al: "Everybody knew Georg

A golfer hooks his drive into the woods to the left of the fairway. While looking for his ball he happens upon a leprechaun. The leprechaun asks him, "How's your round of golf is going?" The golfer admits, "I'm having one of my worst rounds ever." The leprechaun zaps the golfer with a magic spell. The leprechaun then asks, "How's your sex life doing?" The golfer replies, "In all honesty, I haven't had any in years." So, the leprechaun zaps him with another spell. The golfer goes on to have his best round ever. Two months later the golfer is playing the same course. He checks to see if the leprechaun is still around. Sure enough, he spots him in the woods. The leprechaun asks, "How's your g