Got some more Redneck lines . . . You know you're a Redneck when: More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business. You think the stock market has a fence around it. Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight. You have a Ku Klux Klan uniform somewhere in your trailer. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. Your amount of children is more than the amount of Oompa Loompas in Willy Wonka's factory. Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs. Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool. You ke

Now here's a classic joke that's been told by many kids, that should be very well known . . . anyway, after you read this, it's funny to try it on someone After every statement, say, "Behind the rock" 1. Billy went 2. He took off his shoes 3. He took off his socks 4. He took off his shirt 5. He took off his pants 6. He took off his undies 7. He made out with someone 8. Where were you?

Politically correct word for dead: Living Impaired

Was there any doubt?

"I wonder if my friend, Kent as submitted a joke about me saying how brave I am."

Would you like some chocolate ice cream and lemonade? Yes? Ok! *shits* chocolate ice cream and *pisses* lemonade!that would be $5.00

There was a nearly-new television for sale the other day. It has a 42-inch plasma screen, and I bought it for $50. The only thing wrong was that there was no volume control - but at that price, I couldn't turn it down!

A tramp knocked on the door of a house. "What do you want?" said the owner. "Can you spare some money to help a poor person?" said the beggar. As soon he was given a few coins and told to go on his way, the beggar complained, "Your son gave me twice as much when I called here last week." "Well, my son can afford to," said the owner, "he has a very rich father."

Elsie walked into a print lab to have a photo of her deceased husband copied and retouched. She said to the technician, "I have always hated the hat that my husband is wearing in the photo. Could you please retouch the hat out?" "Of course," said the technician; "what colour hair did your husband have?" "When you take the hat off, you'll see," she said.

A boy was assigned a job to do a list of spelling words for his class. The boy asked the teacher what spelling words to do. She replies "Ask your family for help if you can't think of anything." So the boy went home to ask his family for any help. "Mom, can you give me a spelling word for my list?" the boy asked. The mother was so busy on the phone, that she told her son to shut up. The boy thought "Shut Up!" was the word that his mother gave him. So he wrote it down, and walked along to his sister's room. His sister was on the computer, reading about a diary out loud. The boy asked the same thing to his sister, except this time, she replies with "Whatever.." So the boy wrote it down, and

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he's gone. I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd.

I want to kick the guy who invented the snooze button...then five minutes later, I'll kick him again. Thanks Andrew!