How do you keep a blonde busy on a rainy day? Tell her to touch the rainbow.

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?" The host said, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife." "What's he stuffed with?" asked the visiting hunter, and the host said, "My wife."

Two blondes rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One blonde said to her friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow." The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same blonde asked her friend, "Did you mark that spot?" Her friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat." The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"

College Entrance Exam, Football-Player Version Time Limit: 3 Weeks Name: _____________________________ 1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. 3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to ___ (a) build a bridge ___ (b) sail the ocean ___ (c) lead an army or ___ (d) WRITE A PLAY 4. What religion is the Pope? ___ (a) Jewish ___ (b) Catholic ___ (c) Hindu ___ (d) Polish ___ (e) Agnostic (check only one) 5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters? 6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and th

Sometimes advertisers get it all wrong. Here are some funny examples of advertising campaigns that ended up being entirely inappropriate. 1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea". 2. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had a use for the "manure stick". 3. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa). 4. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your

You're so stupid that when you send a FAX you put a stamp on it

Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician said, ''You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land in a huge glass of that drink." The first man went down yelling, ''Beeeerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer. The second guy went down the slide yelling,''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade. The third guy went down the slide yelling ''wheeeeeeeee!!!'''

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. 1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ________________ 2. HEIGHT ____________________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______ G.P.A.______ 3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________ 4. BOY SCOUT RANK____________________________________________________ 5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP _________ 6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?___________________________ If No., EXPLAIN ________________

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment. They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them. Finally, the Lawyer asked, "P

A man and his friend are out camping and the first one needs to go to the bathroom and they have no toliet paper so he asks his friend what to do. His friend says just wipe it with your hand and smack it on a rock. So the man does so and smacks his hand on a rock and it hurts him really bad, so to reduce the pain he sucks on his hand.

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for three shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What happened?" The guy replies, "I just found out my younger brother is gay." He finish's his shots and leaves. The next day he comes back and orders five shots and the bartender asks, " What happened this time?" The man replies, "I just found out my older brother is gay and I always looked up to him." The man finish's his shots and leaves. The next day he comes back and orders twelve shots. The bartender says, "Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" The man replies, " Yea, my mom."