Mary took her husband Bernie to see a psychiatrist for a check up. After examining him, the doctor took Mary to one side and said, "I have some very bad news for you. There is nothing I can do to help your husband. His mind has completely gone." "I'm not really surprised," Mary replied, "Bernie's been giving me a piece of it every day for the last 50 years."

Private Benny and Private Harry are leading a donkey down a muddy road near their barracks when the animal suddenly just drops dead. An officer sees this happen, and while Benny and Harry are standing there wondering what they should do, the officer goes up to them. He quickly sizes up the situation and instructs them to get some shovels from the camp and bury the poor animal. Later, while they were digging the hole, Benny says, "Wow, is this one big mule." Harry says, "It's not a mule, Benny, it's a donkey." As they continue to argue, "donkey," "mule," "donkey," "mule," another officer, this time a priest, stops to ask them what they are arguing about. They tell him of their disagreement.

As part of a class project, the teacher had every student create a model rocket. When she was teaching them about how the rockets lift into the air, some kids seemed to be confused. She scolded them yelling, "It's not that hard! It's not rocket science!"

Did you hear about the gay guy that put a Nicotine patch on his penis? He's down to three butts a day!

Yo momma is so old, she has toys made in America.

My bus driver for my school is always trying to say that he's a gangster. But no one ever believes him so the other day I confronted him. So I asked, "are you really a gangster"? He sweated nervously, shaking and then he finally answered "of course I am I'm from the West Side". I did not feel that to be a sufficient answer so I then asked him "West Side of where"? He mumbled to himself a while and then answered me "West Side of Malibu".

Mike, a 3-year-old, proudly walked into the kitchen of his house carrying a caterpillar. However, his mother was disgusted and wanted Mike to take it outside. "Mike, his mother is probably looking for him. Why don't you take him outside?" said the mother. Three minutes later, Mike was back. "Look mommy!" he said, showing his mother two caterpillars. "I got his mommy too!"

5 = diagonals of a pentagon.

9 = diagonals of a hexagon.

4 = 2+2

9 = tails of a fox.

2 = special administrative regions in China. (Hong Kong and Macau)