The best way to end a war is to surrender.

This is the worst joke ever. Give it no smiley face.

This is the best joke ever! Give it a full smiley :) :) :) :)

Guys were sitting around a bar talking about things they bet on. A woman down at the end of the bar says, "I bet on things!" The bartender says, "Oh Yeah! What do you bet on?" Woman, "Most anything." Bartender, "Like what for instance?" Woman, "See that wall over there? I bet I can pee higher on that wall than you can!" Bartender, (Thinks about this for a minute) "I'll take that bet! How much do you want to bet?" Woman, "You name your poison." Bartender, "I'll bet you a thousand bucks." Woman, "Ok!" Bartender, "Ladies first." Woman, Pulls up her dress, pulls down her panties, leans back and pees. "Your turn," she replies. Bartender, Unzips his pants gets his sure tool out; gets r

A businessman boarded a plane and sat next to Hannah, an elegant woman wearing the largest and most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it. "This is the Egoheimer diamond," Hannah said. "It's beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it." "What's the curse?" the man asked. "Mr Egoheimer."

Bernard, a 72 year old, is bumped by a car while crossing the street. He is seemingly unhurt, but Sarah, his wife, persuades him to go to the doctor, just in case. Bernard returns home, and Sarah says, "So? What did the doctor say?" "The doctor says I got a flucky." "Oh, heavens! A flucky! Terrible! What do you do for a flucky?" "I don't know - he didn't say, and I forgot to ask." Well, by this time Sarah is in a state of high anxiety. She tells her neighbours, "My Bernard was hit by a car, and now he has a flucky! I don't know what to do!" Neighbour #1 says, "In the old country, when someone had a flucky, we always applied ice. Ice is the best thing for a flucky." Neighbour #2 says,

A wig factory was broken into last night and a large quantity of wigs was stolen. Police are combing the area.

A man finds a wallet with $700 in it. A few days later, he reads a notice stating that a wealthy man has lost his wallet and is offering a $50 reward to anyone who returns it. He soon locates the owner and gives him the wallet, and the rich man counts the money and says, "I see you have already taken your reward." The poor man responds, "What are you talking about?" The wealthy man continues, "This wallet had $750 in it when I lost it." The two men begin arguing, and eventually they go to court to sort out their differences. Both men present their case, the poor man first, then the wealthy man who concludes by saying, "Your Honour, I trust you believe me." The Judge says, "Of course." Th

Harry and his neighbour Joe often borrowed things from each other. One day, Harry asked to borrow Joe's ladder. Joe said, "Sorry Harry, I've lent it to my son." Remembering a saying that his grandma often used to tell him, Harry said, "Joe, you should never lend anything to your children because you'll never get it back." Joe replied, "Don't worry, it's not my ladder - it's my dad's."

Bill and Sarah were Londoners and were blessed with seven healthy children. After many months of discussion, they finally decided to move to New York. It should have been a simple enough move, but when they arrived, they had great difficulty finding a suitable apartment to live in. Although many were big enough, the landlords always seemed to object to such a large family living there. If only Bill wasn't so honest about the size of his family! After several days of unsuccessful searching, Bill had an idea. He told Sarah to take the four younger children to visit the local cemetery while he went with the older three children to find an apartment. After looking for most of the morning, Bill

Pete and Mick were in court and standing before the judge. "Why can't this case be settled out of court?" the judge asked. Pete looked up at the judge and said, "That's what we were trying to do, your honour, when the police interfered."

When Jacob was finally given an exit visa by the Russians and allowed to immigrate to Israel, he was told he could only take what he could put into one suitcase. At Moscow airport, he was stopped by customs and an official shouted, "Open your case at once." Jacob did what he was told. The official searched through his case and pulled out something wrapped in newspaper. He unwrapped it and saw it was a bust of Stalin. "What is that?" he shouted at Jacob. Jacob replied, "You shouldn't ask 'What is that?' - you should ask 'Who is that?' That is our glorious leader Stalin. I'm taking it to remind me of the wonderful things he did for me and the marvellous life that I am leaving behind." The o