Top Jokes
How many moves, at least, are required to stalemate in chess?
Nineteen moves.
1.h4 h5
2.c4 a5
3.Qa4 Ra6
4.Qxa5 Rah6
5.Qxc7 f6
6.Qxd7+ Kf7
7.Qxb7 Qd3
8.Qxb8 Qh7
9.Qxc8 Kg6
10.Qe6
How many moves, at least, are required to checkmate in chess?
Four moves.
1.f4 e5
2.g4 Qh4#
A man is just about to break a record. Suddenly, a dog jump up and bites him on the neck.
Q: Is the dog owned by the former record keeper?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the former record keeper intend this to stop other people from breaking his record?
A: Yes.
The murderer doesn't want other people to break his record. Therefore, he has trained his dog, so that when the dog hears someone speaking the last digits of pi that the murderer can recite, it will bite him to death.
What is 60 divided by 1/3rd?
Read carefully.
If you think it's 180, then you're wrong! The answer is 20.
3rd is 1/3.
1/3rd is 1/(1/3), and therefore 3.
60 divided by 3 is 20.
The median of the list n; n+3, n+4; n+5; n+6; n+8; n+10; n+12; n+15 is 10. What is the mean?
What is the median and what is the mean?
There are 9 numbers, and the median is the 5th number n+6.
Compare each number with the median, the mean is
10+(-6-3-2-1+2+4+6+9)/9=11.
In the school the biology teacher asks the class a question. "Where is an elephant's sex organ?"
Little Johnny, "In his feet ma'am."
Teacher, "How come?"
"If he steps on you, you're fucked."
Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"
"I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.
Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to live for!"
The government has recently issued a statement saying that 18.9 percent of all statistics are false.
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