"The attractive man I met last night insists he just wants to be friends," the girl told her Aunt. "Now I know what to do with a lover, but what the heck do I do with a 'friend'?" The wise old lady smiled and said, "The same as with your lover, dearie, only not quite so often."

Two blondes are racing down a bumpy back road in a car down to a bank they're going to rob. "Drive slower" pleads the blonde in the passenger seat, "I don't want all the nitro in the boot to explode." "Relax," the driver replies, "even if it did, I've got a spare box under the seat . . . "

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time in reading it." - Moses Hadas.

Soccer Coach: Why didn't you stop the ball? New Goalie: I thought that was what the net was for!

Brad: I have to take three courses in college; French, Spanish, and algebra Chris: Okay, let me hear you say hi in algebra.

Larry: Yo momma so old her birth certificate said expired! Jerry: You know, at least I have a mom!

Brad: Chad, how does Sherlock Holmes sneeze? Chad: A clue ! A clue!

Teacher: Justin if I had ten tennis balls in one hand, and twelve in another what would I have? Justin: Huge hands sir

Yo momma is so ugly she made a blind person cry!!

The oldest Yo Momma joke in the book: Yo momma so fat that she's fat.

Teacher: Jackie, please use the word "climate" in a sentence please. Jackie: Sure, I have a cherry tree in my backyard, but my parents won't let me "climate" Teacher: That's correct! Teacher: Now, Luis use the word "arrest" in a sentence. Luis: Sure, after running a mile I need "arrest"

I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that there is no bad news. The bad news is that there is no good news.