I asked my girl-friend what she would like for her birthday, and she said she would like a green jumper. So I bought her a frog.

Many of you may be too young to remember U.S. comedian Sam Levenson; he was popular from the 1940s through the mid-1960s. Levenson said things that made sense and it would be a shame if they faded into oblivion, so here are a few of his "nuggets" worth assaying. 1. The first screw to get loose in your head is the one that holds your tongue in place. 2. You're only young once. After that it takes some other excuse for behaving like an idiot. 3. Even if the majority agrees on an idiotic idea, it is still an idiotic idea. 4. There are more important things in life than money. The trouble is they all cost money. 5. On sex education in schools: Let them teach it! If the schools teach sex the

The judge read the charges, then asked: "Are you the defendant in this case?" "No, your honor," replied Tommy. "I've got a lawyer to do the defending. I'm the person who did it."

One day Jack's dad bought a robot. The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face. Jack returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son, why are you late from school?" Jack answered, "Dad, we had extra classes today." Much to his astonishment the robot jumped up and slapped Jack on his face. His dad told him that the robot was special in that it could detect a lie, and would then slap the person who lied. "Now, come on, tell me the truth. Why are you late?" "Dad, I went to see a movie." "Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments." Splat, Jack got a tight slap on the face from the robot. "No, Dad, honest I went to see the

A salesman was traveling through the countryside, flogging insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. "Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it." The farmer was dubious. "Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you, and get everyone in the county to buy a case. We will make you rich." The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer. The next m

There were some kids playing hopscotch and they were allowed to skip so when the winner was on 8 it went straight to 10

once a women was in her home and she heard someone go knock-knock. she said, who's their and the voice said tisha the women said tisha who the voice said tisha me my abcs and she was like is that a ghost. the voice said, i'm your cousin and it was a knock-knock joke. oh the woman said

There once was a President who had a law that evryone had to laugh once a hour or they spent an hour in jail.

A blonde and her husband go to buy her new clothes. First, they decide she needs a new shirt, so they go through a few shirts but she rejects them all. Finally she points at one that she likes, but he thinks it is ugly, so he says no. They go through almost the whole store, and she says no to all of the shirts. Bored and annoyed, the husband finally goes up to the shirt she likes and generously "Fine, do you want this polo shirt?" The wife thinks for a few seconds and says "Oh, it's Apollo shirt? In that case no, I'm really not into mythology."

Give me food and I will live. Give me water and I will die. What or who am I? (Scroll down) A fire

Policeman to woman he's just stopped for speeding - "As soon as I saw you coming round the corner, I said to myself, 'Must be 55 at least'." "It's this dress, officer - it always make me look older!"

What do you call an intelligent, good looking and sensitive man? A rumour