How many movie stars does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he takes one step up the ladder and then his stunt double takes over!

BLONDE #1: I found some jokes about us blondes online. They're inaccurate! They make us look- BLONDE #2:Ugly? BLONDE #3:Fat? BLONDE #4:Lazy? BLONDE #5:Mean? BLONDE #1:No, stupidly funny.

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a half years old and had just recovered from an in which my arm had been broken among other injuries. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!

An elderly couple was having a conversation, and the wife asked her husband a simple question :- "Boxers or briefs?" Her husband replied :- "Depends."

Three kids were walking on a beach looking for shells when one of them finds a magic lamp. They rub it, and the genie that comes out said that each could fall into a pit of whatever they desired. The first guy said "Money and treasure" and then he was poofed into a pit of money and treasure. The second guy said "Pleasure, happiness, and electronics" and then he was poofed into a pit of pleasure, happiness, and electonics. Then the third guy (who was stupid and swore/cussed a lot) said "Ah CRAP!!! Those were my ideas!" and then he was poofed intoa pile of crap (or faeces, or poop, whichever you prefer calling it!)!

After failing his "Logistics and Organization" exam, a student confronted his professor. "Sir, do you understand anything about this subject?" "Of course, otherwise I would not be a professor!" "Really? Then allow me to ask you one question. If you answer it correctly, I'll accept my failing grade and leave quietly, but if you don't know the answer, I want an 'A' on my exam." "Okay, it's a deal. What's your question?" "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?" After long consideration, the professor conceded and changed the student's score to an "A." Afterwards, the professor asked one of his best students the same question. The good studen

California Version The latest telephone poll taken by the California Governor's office asked whether people who live in California think illegal immigration is a serious problem: 29% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem." 71% of respondents answered: "No es un problema serio."

2. Australia Version A recent survey in Australia asked the following question: Are there too many foreigners in this country now? Answer: 18% said: YES 82% said: معهد الأمن العالمي بوا! شن

One day at Lee Elementary in the 1st grade hallway a little boy named Chris(kid #2 from my spoiled brat joke) and another child name sarah are walking down the hall way. (sarah and chris bump into each other) sarah:watch it doo doo head. chris:you watch it cootie pants. sarah:who are you calling cootie pants,freckle face. chris:you,little miss bucktooth. sarah:well you're nothing but a ugly butt. chris:why don't you shut the hell up you god damn mother fucking bitch ass whore.

A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage counsellor. The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they were adamant. "So," said the counsellor, "you know the consequences and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally." The wife flared up. "You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? I must give him half? My money?" "Yes," said the counsellor. "He gets $2,000, you get $2,000." "What about my furniture? I paid for that." "Same thing," answered the counsellor. "Your husband gets the bedroom and the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen." There was a challenging gleam in the wife's eye. "What abou

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime. Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, he's warm for the rest of his life.

How Greeks Do Business CON talks to his son George. CON (father): "I want you to marry a girl of my choice." GEORGE (son): "I will choose my own bride!" CON (father): "But the girl is Bill Gates' daughter.." GEORGE (son): "Well, in that case... okay." Next CON approaches Bill Gates. CON (father): "I have a husband for your daughter.... " Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!" CON (father): "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank." Bill Gates: "Ah! In that case... okay." Finally, CON goes to see the president of the World Bank. CON: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president." President: "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!