汤姆教授有事，无法教下午的课。于是去教室黑板上写了个通知： Prof. Tom will not meet his classes this afternoon. 有个调皮的学生看到后，想跟教授开个玩笑，把classes前面的c擦 掉了。 汤姆教授中午路过教室时又顺路进去了一下，忍不住笑了，随手又 擦掉了l。

umfriend（嗯朋友）是一個新字，最近已經被放進美國字典的用字。 它是一個名詞，意思是「有曖昧不明或不可告人關係的朋友」。 它的起源很有趣： 假設有這樣一個情境，你帶一個朋友回住處，你們當天晚上發生了性關係， 完事之後（或者尚未完事），你室友（或家人）回來撞見你們兩個．．． 因為，你們不想讓別人知道你們的關係， 所以，你們可能還滿神色慌張的（或著衣衫不整）。 室友或家人可能用著懷疑的眼光打量著你們， 心虛的你為了讓這種尷尬場面趕快過去， 只好趕快把這位朋友介紹一下（講時還有é»

1. You are not a superman. 　　你不是超人。 　　2. If it's stupid but works，it isn't stupid. 　　如果一个蠢方法有效，那它就不是一个蠢方法。 　　3.Don't look conspicuous-it draws fire. (This is why aircraft carriers are called"Bomb Magnets".) 　　不要太显眼，因为那会引人攻击。（这就是航空母舰被称为"炸弹磁铁"的原因。） 　　4. When in doubt，empty your magazine. 　　有问题时，清空你的弹匣。 　5. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are. 　　别和比你勇敢的战友躲在同一个弹坑里。 　6. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. 　　别忘了你手上çš

BASIC: Bill''s Attempt to Seize Industry Control（比尔的企图：夺取工业控制） ISDN: It Still Does Nothing（它仍然什么都不做） DOS: Defunct Operating System（已死亡的操作系统） MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs（大部分功能崩溃，如果没有，则操作系统挂起） WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System（将在所有系统中安装无用数据） MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers（大部分聪明的用户认识到我们的软件仅仅欺骗年轻人）

There once was a bus staion named Ureliar (You-Really- Are), a man went to the station and waited for his train, he waited and a man came up to him and said,"Hey,my name is Emabuthed (I'm-A-Butt-Head), what's the name of the station?" "Ureliar?" replied the man.

My uncle (Dan) and his best friend (Erik) have an April Fool month every April. Each plays one major prank on the other during the month - neither know when they will be pranked or what will happen when they are. Here are a couple of the things that they have done to each other: 1. One year Erik took police caution tape and completely wraped Dan's jeep up in it. He took the tape over and under the jeep so that the only visible parts of the car were the tires. He then took the tape across the street and into the house to his bedroom door. When Dan woke up and followed the tape to his front door he saw his entire jeep in yellow tape! 2. Another year Dan entered an ad in the pets section for

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers. When we get married, our brides get the presents and the publicity. When we die, our widows get the life insurance. What do women want to be liberated from?

The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your

A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale. "Afraid not," said the farmer. "I'll give you a thousand bucks!" said the city fella. "I can't sell you that horse. He don't look too good," replied the farmer. "I know horses, and he looks fine. I'll give you two thousand!" "Well, all right, if you want him so bad." The next day, the man returned the horse, screaming that he had been gypped. "You sold me a blind horse!" "Well," said the farmer, "I told you he didn't look too good."

A man limped into a hospital to have his foot X-rayed, and was asked to wait for the results. Some time later an orderly appeared and handed the man a large pill. Just then a mother with a small child in need of immediate attention entered. After the orderly disappeared with the new patient, the man hobbled over to get a glass of water, swallow the pill, and sat down to wait. Some time later the orderly reappeared carrying a bucket of water. "Okay," he said, "Just drop the pill in this bucket and soak your foot for a while."

This guy couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so he called the airlines to get prices. "Airfare to Denver is $300," said a cheery salesperson. "And what about Salt Lake City?" "We have a really great rate to Salt Lake - $99.00, but there is a stopover." "Where?" "Denver."

A man went fishing one day. He looked over the side of his boat, and saw a snake with a frog in its mouth. Feeling sorry for the frog, he reached down, gently took the frog from the snake, and set the frog free - but then he felt sorry for the snake. He looked around the boat, but he had no food. All he had was a bottle of bourbon, so he opened the bottle and gave the snake a few shots. The snake went off happy, the frog was happy, and the man was happy to have performed such good deeds. He thought everything was great until about ten minutes passed and he heard something knock against the side of the boat. With stunned disbelief, the fisherman looked down and saw the snake was back with t