Top Jokes
A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.
"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"
"Sure," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get lonely in the night."
"How about transportation? " the father asked.
"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.
Finally, in exasperation, the man asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're l
One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible.
The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed with expensive clothes and accessories.
As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hid
To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and studied it with an appraising eye.
"We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said finally.
"Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner."
Yo' momma so fat that you gotta be Clifford the Big Red Dog to hit it doggystyle!
A pilot's flying a small, single-engined charter plane with a couple of really important execs on board. He's coming into Seattle airport, only there is thick fog, less than 10ft of visibility, and his instruments are out. So he circles around looking for a landmark. After an hour or so, he's pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. At last, in a small opening in the fog, he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor.
The pilot banks the plane around and winds down the window and shouts to the guy, "Hi! Where am I?", to which the solitary office worker replies, "You're in a plane". The pilot winds up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and p
The following is a list of undocumented Windows 95 error codes which somehow got overlooked when printing the documentation.
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WinErr 001: Windows loaded - System in danger [Purchased Win95?]
WinErr 002: No Error - Yet
WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
WinErr 004: Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong
WinErr 005: Multitasking attempted - System confused
WinErr 006: Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
WinErr 007: System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
WinErr 008: Broken window - Watch out for
What did the chicken say to the bully?
Why don't you peck on someone your own size?
Clinton returns from a vacation in Arkansas and walks down the steps of Air Force One with two pigs under his arms. At the bottom of the steps, the honor guardsman steps forward and remarks, "Nice pigs, Mr. President."
Clinton replies, "I'll have to let you know that these are genuine Arkansas Razor Back Hogs. I got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary. So, now what do you think?"
The honor guardsman answers: "Nice trade, Sir."
A man was boasting to his friend, "You know, I am a well known collector of antiques." His friend replied, "Yes, I know, I have seen your wife."
Tom: I went out fishing with my wife this morning.
Sam: You're lucky, I'm still using worms.
"Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms. Why Dad? Tell me why!"
Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, son, she didn't get the fax."
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"
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