Turn your Pentium into a gameboy...Type "WIN" at the prompt.

Windows95...the best $159 Solitaire game you can buy.

Activate your own virus... type "WIN" at the prompt.

A husband and wife are walking down the High Street one evening, when the wife saw a beautiful diamond necklace in the jeweller's shop window. "Oh," she exclaims, "I really would like that! Do you think you could get it for me?" With that, he looks around and finally locates a brick, which he promptly lobs through the window; he then grabs the necklace, and the two of them leg it. "Oh, there was a lovely pair of earrings to match in the other window!" she says. "What, do you think I'm MADE of bricks?" he exclaims.

The best way to accelerate Windows is through one.

DEAR DIARY: DAY ONE All packed for the cruise ship - all my sexiest dresses and make-up. Really excited. DEAR DIARY: DAY TWO Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today - seems a very nice man. DEAR DIARY: DAY THREE In the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive. DEAR DIARY: DAY FOUR Won $80 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. Told him I could not

It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him. The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said, "Boy, are you in trouble! I'm a lawyer!" The driver looked out his window and said, "No, you're in trouble. I'm a judge."

"This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both. "The disadvantage is that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north." "What is the advantage?" inquired the prospective buyer. "The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing."

The minister's car wouldn't start, so he called the garage. When the tow truck driver arrived, the minister says, "I hope you go easy on me. You know I'm only a poor preacher." "Yep," replied the tow truck driver, "I've heard you preach."

A priest wanted to go to the post office, so he asked a little boy the way. The boy took him to the post office. The priest said to the boy, "Thank you. Come to the church tomorrow and I will show you the way to Heaven." The boy turned and said, "But you don't even know the way to the post office."

One day a man having conversation with God, when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there was only one set of footprints. He asked God, "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life?" God replied, "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you. You see only one set of footprints because, during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you."

Five year old Becky answered the door when the census taker came by. She told the census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home, because he was performing an appendectomy. "My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?" "Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!"