What does the "95" in Windows95 mean anyway? 10. The number of floppies it will ship in. 9. The percentage of users who will have to upgrade their hardware. 8. The number of megabytes of hard disk space required. 7. The number of pages in the "EASY INSTALL" version of the manual. 6. The percentage of existing programs that won't run in the new OS. 5. The number of hours to install. 4. The number of calls to tech support before you can get it to run. 3. The number of people who will actually pay for the upgrade. 2. Meg of RAM required for the damn thing to run. 1. The year it was DUE to ship.

Microsoft's new "Cool User" Program REDMOND, WASHINGTON - In order to calm growing impatience among PC users concerning the repeated delays of its new Windows 95 operating system, Microsoft Corporation announced what it cal ls the "Cool User Program for Windows 95." To participate in this offer, a user pays US$10,000 at which time he or she will be placed in a cryogenic suspension. The user will then remain in a state of hibernation until about a week before the Windows 95 ship date. "We expect that the users will need a few days to recuperate and acquaint themselves with the changes that will occur in society between the onset of cold sleep and the release of Windows 95," explained a Micr

What really does happen to MS programmers once they die? Did you hear about the Microsoft Windows programmer who died? He found himself in front of a committee that decides whether you go to Heaven or Hell. The committee told the programmer he had some say in the matter and asked him if he wanted to see Heaven and Hell before stating his preference. "Sure," he said, so an angel took him to a place with a sunny beach, volleyball, and rock and roll, where everyone was having a great time. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "Heaven is great!" "Wrong," said the angel. "That was Hell. Want to see Heaven?" "Sure!" So the angel took him to another place. Here a bunch of people were sitting in a park playing

Star Trek... The Lost Episode --------------------------------------------------------- Recent reports of a lost episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation have finally been confirmed. And now, for your reading pleasure, we are proud to present the entire transcript. Enjoy! --------------------------------------------------------- The crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise have encountered the Borg. Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathway?" Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century comp

Focus Magazine Interview with Bill Gates Microsoft Code Has No Bugs (that Microsoft cares about) --------------------------------------------------------- In an interview for German weekly magazine Focus (nr.43, October 23, 1995, pages 206-212), Microsoft`s Mr. Bill Gates has made some tements about software quality of MS products. After lengthy inquiries about how PCs should and could be used (including some angry comments on some questions which Mr. Gates evidently did not like), the interviewer comes to storage requirements of MS products; it ends with the following dispute: --------------------------------------------------------- FOCUS: Every new release of a software whi

Beyond the Hype (Guardian, August 25, 1995) Douglas Adams, author of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, argues Windows 95 does not cross any frontiers. What on Earth is going on? Have we found intelligent life on other planets? Abolished war and famine? Found Elvis? Have we even devised a new and better way of using computers? No. All that's happened is that Microsoft has remodelled its operating system so that it's now more like the Macintosh. This may well be a cause for rejoicing among Windows users but it's hardly a giant leap for mankind and doesn't warrant this sense that we're all supposed to celebrate early and avoid the millennium rush. As part of this billion-dollar festival

If you have half a brain, you can't help but notice the throng of publications, analysts and net users declaring Windows95 the Saviour of the Computer Industry. If you have less than half a brain, you probably believe it. Could it be? To find out, let's compare Windows95 against a widely-accepted Saviour, Jesus of Nazareth: Jesus Windows95 Jesus: Said, "Surely I come quickly." Windows 95: Has been promised "any day now." Jesus:Is taking a lot longer to actually arrive Windows 95: Is taking a lot longer to actually arrive. Jesus: Can walk on water. Windows 95: Can crawl on a 486. Jesus: Sits in judgement at

Dogs crawl under fences...Software crawls under Windows95.

Scanning for viruses...Windows95 found...Please delete.

Double your drive space...Delete Windows95.

Friends don't let friends use Windows95.

If at first you don't succeed...work for Microsoft.