A blonde was driving along in her car one day, when she noticed a man at the side of the road, eating grass. She pulled over and asked him "Why are you eating the grass?" The man replied, "I'm too poor to afford any food, so I have to eat the grass to stay alive." The blonde said to him, "Don't worry, you can come back to my house and I'll give you food." The man, overjoyed, asked the blonde, "But why are you helping me?" She replied, "Well, I like cows." The man, who didn't think he'd heard her properly, repeated the question. "Why do you want to help me?" She said "Because cows eat grass, so you must be a cow."

I'm not being rascist, this actually happened to me. I was driving my car late at night along a fairly busy road, when I came across a very busy junction. Coming towards me, on the wrong side of the road, with no lights on except for the left indicator, was an Asian lady in her 4x4. I stopped, and started to back up, and she stopped at the junction as well, and turned right down another road (with her left indicator still on), and also still on the wrong side.

What's green and runs round the garden? The hedge!

"I'm very sorry sir, but I don't have my homework with me- I left my bag on the bus." "Well done! A+"

Dear son, Good luck with your exams tomorrow. I always think that it's best to stay up partying all of the night before an exam. Exam rooms are always a good place to catch up on sleep, because they're silent, and there's nothing to do in them anyway. Love, Dad

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Liberal Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Liberal Democrats too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat is, but wanting to be like their teacher, they all raise their hands. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a liberal Democrat", Lucy replies. Then, asks the teacher, what are you? "I'm a Conservative," replies the Lucy. The teacher is getting slightly angry now, so she asks Lucy why she is a Conservative. "Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an i

I have a new baby cousin named Caroline. She has a big brother named Sam (he just turned 2) and 2 big sisters named Elena and Erica. Well, my aunt was away with her three daughters. It was just my uncle and Sam at home. My uncle and Sam were playing on the floor. My uncle had to fart, but he tried to let it out quietly, but it came out a little louder than he had expected. Then Sam perks up and says "Baby Caroline?"

Yo Momma so fat you can slap her ass all day and not slap the same place twice!.

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and she would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought an identical dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not - I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they

DON'T CHEAT! Draw a pig. Yes, that's right. On a blank piece of paper, draw a pig, then scroll down and read the interpretation of your pig! Draw your pig first! And don't look at the next part until you are done! It won't be fun if you look first. Now if you're done...start to scroll down..... YOU'RE CHEATING! DRAW THE DAMN PIG!

"We Haven't Had Any" A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago." The manager then drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. "Now, what was it she wanted?" The clerk answered, "Snow."

Little Birds Do you know someone who seems to know everything? When asked why, they say, "A little birdie told me." Did you know they probably aren't lying? It is a little known fact that there are little birds that fly very fast, are never seen, and they are everywhere - thus, these creatures are called "Flies Unseen Everywhere" or FUE for short. These birds have an extensive communications network, and they can generally find out anything from anywhere quite quickly. Some of these birds befriend certain individuals and communicate with them by making clucking sounds, much like a chicken. They are not dumb like chickens, however, and can establish a sort of clucking language with the lu