1. Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met. 2. Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today. 3. Ask people if they have seen your pet shark. 4. Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys. 5. Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim. 6. Hit strangers with your flutter board. 7. Ask an attractive lifeguard to practise CPR on you. 8. Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....'' 9. Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move. 10. Swim near a stranger and say, ''Dammit I knew I shouldn't have had water

"COMPETITIVE SALARY" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. "JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY" We have no time to train you. "CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up. "MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. "SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" Some time each night and some time each weekend. "DUTIES WILL VARY" Anyone in the office can boss you around. "MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL" We have no quality control. "CAREER-MINDED" Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way). "APPLY IN PERSON" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled. "NO PHONE CALLS PLEA

A man and his wife are in bed getting hot and heavy when the wife just pushes him away and says, "No, actually I don't feel like sex tonight. Could you just hold me?" The man very mad says, "What?! Why the hell can't we have sex??" The woman replies, "This is so typical, you have no idea what it's like to be a women! You just don't understand me!" And she turns over and goes to sleep. The next day the man tells his wife he is so sorry and to make up for his mistakes they are going to the mall. So the man takes her to the clothing department of a very expensive store and has her try on outfits. She can't decide which one she likes, so the man tells her to take them all. She jumps up and do

If two's a company and three's a crowd... what's four and five? NINE!!!!

Quickly read through the following text and count the number of F's in it. FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS Managed it? Scroll down only after you have counted them! > >> >>> >>>> >>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> >

Ghost Stories by I.C. Spooks Rocket to the sun by R.U.Nuts Your Book of Glamour by Q.T Pie The Camel Ride by Major Bum - issore How to Grow Shorter by Neil Down How to Grow Taller by Stan Dup

Crime and Punishment by Laura Norda The Use of Natural Fertilizers; by G.G. Dunnit The Way to Quick Riches; by Robbin Banks Holidays in Britain; by A. Pauline Whetha Contagious Diseases; by Willie Catchit Driving Through Germany; by Otto Mobile Broken Window; by Eva Brick Monsters; by Frank N. Stein Cliff Tragedy; by Eileen Dover Even More to come, i promise!!!!

A Hole in the Bucket by Lee King Long Walk by Miss. D. Bus The Playground by C. Saw Fitting Carpets by Walter Wall Around the World by Sir Cumfrence Flexibility by Ben Dover Bladder Controld by Idon P. Freely

Three men are outside a pub when one said, "I dare you to go in and ask for a free glass of milk!" One of the other men went in the pub and said, "Can I have a free glass of milk?" "Only if you pick the scabs of my daughter's fanny!" replied the barmaid. "Screw that!" The other man walked in and said, "Can I have a free glass of milk?" "Only if you pick the scabs off my daughter's fanny!" replied the barmaid. "Screw that!" When the two men went back outside they told the third one that they could only get a free glass of milk if they picked the scabs off the barmaid's daughter's fanny. The third man said, "I wouldn't mind doing that." The third man went in and said I will pick the scabs off

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. "It's a period,'' said the little boy. "Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?'' " I don't know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.

It was a dark and stormy night in the small Newfoundland village when Jarge's wife suddenly went into labor. The doctor came to the house and realized there was no time to get to the hospital in the city, the baby was coming now! Just then the power went out. Jarge brought out the kerosene lantern and held it for the doctor. Within minutes, Jarge's son was born. The elated parents were surprised when the doctor declared that another baby was coming. Soon, another baby had come into the world. And then a third. Jarge, somewhat in shock at the sudden prospect of supporting such a large family, started to back away. But wait, the doctor soon realized the end was not in sight. "Bring the light

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!" My mother taught me RELIGION - "You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why." My mother taught me more LOGIC - "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying and I'll give you something