...your screen door has no screen.

...you cut the grass and find a Car.

...if you refer to the fifth grade as, "your senior year".

You might be a redneck if... You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.

You might be a redneck if... You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.

You might be a redneck if... Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."

You might be a redneck if... You think the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.

You might be a redneck if... The lake has to be restocked after you take a bath.

You might be a redneck if... You're 42 and still have clowns come to your birthday party.

You might be a redneck if... You can talk for more than 20 minutes on the difference between squirrel and rabbit stew.

A Norwegian applied for a job as a logger deep in the Canadian woods. The foreman took him into the bush to test his knowledge of logging. He stopped the truck, pointed at a tree, and said, "See that tree over there? Tell me its species and how many board feet of lumber are in it." The Norwegian immediately replied, "Dat dere's a sitka spruce, eh? And she got 383 board feet of lumber in 'er." The foreman was impressed. He drove a little farther, pointed at another tree, and asked the same question. "Lord tunderin'. Dat's yer Douglas fir. 690 board feet." They drove a little farther, and the foreman asked again. "Yeller cedar. 242 board feet." The foreman was surprised; this Norwegian is

My grandfather invented the rear-view mirror. Made millions - hasn't looked back since!