Teacher: Jimmy, use the word "handsome" in a sentence. Jimmy: Handsome gum over will ya? Teacher: No, no, that's not right. You have one more chance. Use the word "gladiator" in a sentence. Jimmy: A monster ate my sister and I'm gladiator.

Paddy and his missus are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog barking. It had been barking for hours and hours. Suddenly, Paddy jumps out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this," and goes downstairs. Paddy finally comes back up to bed and his wife says, "The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?" Paddy says, "I've put their dog in our yard - now we'll see how THEY like it!"

I Hate you you hate me barney gave *****(1) H.I.V so we kicked them in the balls and shot her in the head now that *****(2) bitch is dead anii stars ***** men add someones nae or add an adjective to fit i.e - *****(1)fred *****(2)ugly

The teacher stood at the front of the room. "Does anybody know what this Monday is?" About half of the students raised their hands. The teacher pointed to one of them. "It's Columbus Day!" he crowed. The teacher smiled. "It is. Does anybody know why we celebrate it?" This time, only one student raised her hand. "It's the day the Indians discovered Columbus!" How very true indeed.

You've heard about the new hair salon which opened up right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place, haven't you? They put up a big old sign, "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!" Not to be outdone, the old shop put out their own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS"

I believe in making the world safe for our children. But not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

There was a man who was getting ready to be hanged by the politicians of Aaronztown City. The only way he could ignore death was to convince the mayor to make the politicians change their mind. So he did. "Hello Mayor Green, I am here to discuss important matter." "Okay. Very well. Do you want to make any comments before we begin?" "Yes. Do you mind if I examine the things around here before we begin?" "Yes." Darn. Okay, my first question. Do you mind if I do not get hung by the politicians?" "Yes." But, I have a family, a long life ahead of me, and lots of friends. Are you sure you mind?" Yes." The man growled furiously. "Do you mind if I don't kill you before I get hung?" "Yes."

Q: Why do Hondas and Hyundais have standard rear-window defoggers? A: So your hands don't get cold when you're pushing them. Q: What is the difference between a Porsche and a Porcupine? A: With a Porsche, the pricks are on the inside.

Q: What do you call people who use condoms? A: Parents.

Gregory was a boy who was always beaten up by a bully who everyone called: "The Demon". Everyday, "The Demon" would punch Gregory in the stomach without any warning. And Gregory always got a stomachache. Now, Gregory wasn't very smart. He often confused things with other things and ended up in trouble. But Gregory didn't know. And Gregory had 7-9 fears and takes them seriously. He has a fear of telling a teacher on someone, so that's a reason why he's letting The Demon punch him. The doctor told him that if he continued to be punched, that he would get a stomach bruise - which wasn't good at all. So, Gregory and his father were having a father-to-son conversation about this problem. "Son

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Category: Situation Body: A lecher, a drunkard and a smoker arrive at hell and the devil says to them: "Don't worry, everything is happy here. To you, lecher, I am going to give you a full room of beautiful girls. To you, drunkard, I give you a thousand boxes of beer. And to you, smoker, I give you one ton of cigarettes. I will return after 10 years to see how you are." The 10 years passed and the devil returns. The lecher, happily, says to the devil: "Give me more girls than these, they are already boring to me." Soon it's going to see the drunkard and, also happily, says to the devil: "Give me more beers. I have already finished all of them". At last, it's going to see the smoker. But t