A woman who was driving down the highway pulled over to the side of the road when the policeman driving behind her turned on his lights and siren. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quietly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she politely replied. "Interesting," said the officer. "Do you always loop it through your steering wheel like that?"

A 15-year-old boy discovered, having supressed it for years, that he was a homosexual. After gathering courage, he decided to tell his father. He entered the living room where his father sat, reading the newspaper. Reluctantly, he said, "Dad?..." His father looked up. "Yes, son?" "Dad...", the boy stopped for a second, "I'm... I'm gay." The boy looked at his father eagerly. To his surprise, he didn't even flinch. "Alright, son," he said. "But let me ask you something. Do you participate in gay pride marches?" "No, but.." "Do you," his father interrupted him, "use words such as 'fabulous' more than ten times a day?" "No..." "Do you shop for clothes more than twice a month and make su

Hello, I am Mr. L, as most people call me. I am going to tell you a story that happened to me years ago. Here goes! People were pouring pollution all around they world; strangely, it made certain animals turn gigantic. That happened to a dog one day, it wasn't pretty. I don't know why, but it was chasing me around the city. Eventually, I gave up and let it do what it wanted to do to me. It came close to me, lifted its leg and... I think I know why I it did what it did. I was wearing a shirt with a fire hydrant on it, and all the other ones were broken. That's my story.

Once a bird pooped on me, so I threw it back.

Mike and Joe, two buddies, were talking when Joe asked, "Hey Mike, do you have a rake?" "No," Mike replied. Joe questioned, "Well, then will ask your sister to come to my house this weekend to help with something?" Mike, even though he thought this was a strange request, consented, and later talked his sister into it. That weekend, Mike, overcome with curiosity, drove to Joe's. Joe called out that he and Mike's sister were in the back yard. After walking around, Mike saw Joe holding Mike's sister updide down by her toes and pushing and pulling her through Joe's flower garden. Obviously shocked, Mike yelled in surprise, "What the heck do you think you are doing?" Calml

"Michael Vick shouldn't go to jail for dog fighting." "Why? It's a crime." "Well, it's one thing to fight your friends or someone at a bar, but it's your dog. You should be able to fight him if he gets in your face." "What?"

"I started a new band called The Chimes" "What kind of band?" "Acapella Ska" "What do you play?" "Drums"

If you were attacked by giant mutants, what would you do? Most people would run. Some would hide, and the video recorders would record it and put it on television. Last week, humans won a war against giant vicious demons called, "Razzoopis". Razzoopis are Godzilla-sized monsters that have rock hard bodies, and breath fire. No one knows why it came, or how it was defeated, but the other humans had a feeling that the humans gave back its baby.

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter. SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County Dear Mr. DeVries: It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

Two businessmen were taking a break while setting up their soon-to-open store's shelving units. There they sat, in the middle of nothing but empty shelves. One said, "I bet any minute now some smart aleck will stick his head in the door and ask what we're selling." Within minutes, a man did just that, "Hey, boys, whacha sellin'?" One businessmen responded sarcastically, "We're selling assholes." Without missing a beat, the man rejoined, "Looks like business is good; ya only got two left!"

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Kentucky Fried was on the side he was leaving from.

There was a quirky breed of dinosaur called an "Adoptosaurus". Adoptosauruses laid eggs and often times forgot where they laid them or whose eggs were who's. Basically, they "adopted" the eggs they found and claimed them as their own. Adoptosauruses didn't eat meat because it wasn't apart of their dino-religion. They thought eating meat made dinosaurs fat and have wrinkly skin. Adoptosauruses ate flowers because they thought it made them smell good. They thought they were the best of all the dinosaurs. Maybe they went extinct so fast because their babies got hungry and ate each other, or the T-rexes found them and ate them, or maybe they were just stupid dinosaurs that adopted their own eg