Four gay guys walk into a gay bar and they find a problem. There's only one stool left. One guy says "Lets flip for it" But another says "No, Lets flip it over"

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey. Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works! Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? Don't you need a license to be that ugly? I see the wheel is spinning, but the hamster looks dead. If you had another brain, it would be lonely.

Two nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the beer and liquor section. One asks the other if she would like a beer. The nun answered, "That would be good, but I'd be uneasy about purchasing it." The 1st nun said she would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look on her face, so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer saying, "Here, don't forget the curlers."

1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags under your eyes over your head. 2. When the professor calls out your name during attendance, you rhythmically cry out "In da' house!" 3. Your dirty laundry has become the closest thing to wall-to-wall carpeting. 4. Every study group you join gets fed up with your need to take a break for techno and grinding. 5. All your stories begin with, "I was so wasted..." 6. Your Native American name would've been "Man of Running Body Fluids." 7. You refer to sunlight as a "that bright shit." 8. You look forward to the weekdays as a time to relax. 9. Whenever you see a blinking "Do Not Walk" sign, you think how great it would look if you were on ecstas

Knock, Knock Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, silly! Cows go moo!

There are two ants living in a girl's pair of panties. One day they decide to go exploring in the caves. They said to meet back in the same spot in and hour. So, one ant went in one cave, and the other ant in a different cave. After an hour went by, the two ants met back up. One ant was covered in brown, sticky, smelly stuff. "Eeew!, What was your cave like" asked the other ant. "It was nice at first, but it soon became really smelly and the walls were all dark and sticky" replied the ant. "So how was your cave ?". "Well" he said, "It was lovely at first, all pink and warm, but then this bald guy started head butting me and then spitting on me."

In the hospital, a nurse is asking an old man what is his weight. The man is unsure about his weight so the nurse suggests that it is better if he check his weight now. He goes to the weighing scale and stands on it, then he goes back to the nurse. The nurse let him fill the form by himself. After he fills it, he gives it back to the nurse. When the nurse reads his weight, she is surprised that the man wrote, "82 kg - with glasses," there. The nurse asks the man, "Why must you write 'with glasses' there? I only ask for your weight. Why don't you write down your weight without the glasses?" "Because I can't read the scales and write without my glasses," the man replied.

A Welsh girl called Gwyneth visited Japan recently. There, people had problems pronouncing her name so she became Gwyniss. Everywhere she went, she was greeted with tremendous respect. At a farewell reception, her host said, "We've been so excited to have a famous author in our midst." "What am I supposed to have written?" she asked, baffled. "Why, The Gwyniss Book of Records."

In North England: 'mornin' In West England : How ya doin' In India : Get up you lazy chit. Don't you need to go to work ?

A boy of 6 years old never pays attention to his pant's zipper...which is always being left open. Because of this his mother often gets angry. One day some of his relatives plan to visit their city, so his mother advised him that whenever she tells him to "close the Eiffel Tower", it means that he has to close his zipper. His relatives arrive, and after some time, the boy asked his aunti, "Aunti, why did you come here?" His aunti answered, "Dear boy, we came here to see the Eiffel Tower." The boy said in great excitement, pointing towards his zipper, "But aunti, the Eiffel Tower is closed." Aunti replied, "My boy, that is the small Eiffel Tower. I came here to see big one." The boy ans

Your phone's network is changing plan. The uglier you are the cheaper your calls. From now on all your calls will be free.

STAFF NOTICE - TOILET POLICY Effective immediately, a toilet policy will be established to provide more consistent method of accounting for staff during working hours, thus ensuring effective time management & equal treatment of all. In the future, the doors to all toilets will be equipped with computer linked voice recognition devices, which can only be activated to open at the sound of a person's voice. Staff must therefore immediately provide management with 2 voice prints, one in normal tone & one under stress/desperation. The following rules shall also apply: 1. On the first day of every month, all staff will be issued 22 toilet trip credits. 2. Once toilet trip bank