Famous Last Words "Oh come on, nobody's died from this in years." "I saw it on Jackass last night." "My dad did it when he was a kid." "Yes, I'm sure that the power is off." "It'll only hurt for a couple of days." "See, I'm not afraid of heights."

Famous Last Words: "The gun isn't loaded, ok?" "Yes, I double checked." "This fuse should give us plenty of time." "I don't think he has a gun." "This is a very safe neighborhood!" "I am 100% sure of the blast radius."

This is off a Coast Guard bumper sticker: Support Search and Rescue: GET LOST!

My college doesn't allow pets in my dorm, so when I got a kitten I had the guys in my dorm refer to him as "the Book" to avoid suspicion. One morning, as I carried the kitten out to my car in a crate, my girlfriend stopped me and asked, "where are you taking the Book?" "She's getting Spayed today," I said. "Hmm..." she said. "I guess that means no sequels!"

Darn those pushy metric system advocates! Give them 2.54 cm., and they'll take 1.6093 km!

Famous Last Words "We'll be safe here, trust me." "Who cares about the severe weather warning, those forecasters are always wrong anyway." "We're not as high up as it looks, here I'll show you." "Who cares about those heart condition warnings anyway, I wanna ride this thing!" "My friend did this a while ago. I don't know how it turned out, I haven't seen him since." "It's just a slight tingle." "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!!???"

FAMOUS LAST WORDS "One sec, I've got to go the bathroom!" :) "It doesn't hurt... that... bad..." "This stuff works just as well!" "It looks like it's coming right towards us!" "Here, let me handle this, forget the cops!" "I read this in a 'how-to' magazine once." "No I'm not a skydiver, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express Last Night." "Proper equipment is for rich people." "I don't know. Let's find out!" "I did it in a video game last night." "Did you hear that? Sounded like something big. Where's that flashlight?" And finally... "OH SHIT!!!!"

THE SEQUELS CONTINUE (these are all by me by the way) "Hmm... Let's go for the gusto today!" "Here's my ticket to fame, fortune, and Ripley's Beleive it or Not!" "I'm not as think as you drunk I am!" "Gotta match?" "Now, why in the name of God's green Earth did I do that?!" "We'll just mix these two together and that should...!" "No honey, there's no one in your closet. Now go to sleep. Quit crying. Here, I'll look just to make sure." "It's the red wire, right? The blue wire? There is no blue wire. The black one then? You're so wishy-washy. Here I'll just cut them both!" "Wow. A real dud grenade! Can I pick it up?" "Hey what's with the mask! I'm just visiting the hospital! Zzzzzzzz

I broke in to a gun shop last week. I didn't know that the owner lived on-site. He must have spent every night for the last ten years thinking of what he would do to the poor, hapless soul who would try to break in. I pointed my gun at him and he held up a grenade as he ran at me. I should be able to breath again in a few years. The old shopkeeper is dead, but, man, he got a hell of a laugh in before he left the world, Kamikaze style.

Yo mama's so fat, her Inuit name is Denali!

Yo momma is so dumb, she thought a GameCube was a Rubik's puzzle.

Yo Momma's so fat, when she jumps in the ocean, people head for higher ground.