A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: "It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this annoying problem of stuttering." "Dddddoctttor, whhaaat cccan I dddo?" The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and states that there is a procedure where we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by removing the six inches from the penis and freeing him from this horrible problem. The patient, stuttering badly, states that this problem has caused him so much emba

There was this cat who loved to get drunk, who went to the bar on the other side of the tracks. He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk. The cat starts to stumble home, and when he came to the train tracks, he didn't notice a train coming down the tracks. As he started to cross the tracks, the train zoomed by, and cut off his tail. The cat turned his head to see the damage, got his head stuck into the side of a speeding box car, and is instantly decapitated. The moral of the story — don't lose your head over a piece of tail!

What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl? A cock that stays up all night!

A guy in sitting in a bar hving a drink. All of a sudden an alien sits down next to him, licks its finger and sticks it in the guys ear. The guy's a little annoyed, but doesn't say anything. The next thing he knows, the alien does it again. this time the guy tells him to quit. Five minutes later, it happens again. This time he yells at him to stop. Ten minutes later, he finds a finger in his ear. Finally, he jumps up and screams, "If you don't quit I'm gonna rip your balls off!". the alien thinks about it for a second, and does it again. The guy jumps up, pulls its pants down, but there was nothing there! In frustration he asks, "How do you screw?!" the alien smiles and sticks his finger in

The next time you are having a bad day, imagine this: You are a Siamese Twin. Your brother, attached at your shoulder is gay. You are not. He has a date coming over tonight. You only have one ass.

SPERM 1: Are we EVER going to reach the egg? SPERM 2: Stop moaning, we've only just passed the tonsils.

What's the differance between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The Taste...

There was a man and a woman and they lived on a farm. They owned two horses, but they could not tell the difference between them! One day, the man painted a yellow stripe on the tail of one of the horses. When winter came, and the yellow had washed out from all the rain, the man and woman were left to stand there next to each other, staring at the horses. After two minutes of staring, the woman finally said, "I've got it! The black horse is taller than the white horse!"

Did you hear about the eyeglasses maker who moved his shop to an island off Alaska and is now known as an optical Aleutian?

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.

A guy is sitting in a bar with his friends bitching about going home to his wife. His friends ask him why he doesn't want to go home to such a fine looking woman and he replies... "Well, the problem is that she has Gonnorrhea" So what say the friends, flip her over. "Well, she also has diarrhea" the guy says. "Yuck, but what about her mouth." The friends chime in. "Halitosis" the man says. "Damn, Why would you stay with her?" The friends say. "Well," the guy replies "She also has worms, and you guys know how I like to fish."

A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road. He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says "I can't I'm on my period." He says "That doesn't matter." So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out. A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking. So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck. The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer. The officer asks him what he is doing? He says licking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"