Top Jokes
(A continuation of Joke #7939
Idiot #9
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A woman called the cops from her house and said, "My ex-boyfriend stole my pot!" So the police went to the ex-boyfriends house, took the marijuana, and arrested him. The same officer went to the woman's house and asked her to identify if it was her pot. She confirmed it was hers, and was taken away in the police car.
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
- Abraham Lincoln.
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
- Thomas Alva Edison.
A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be?
I always say, "How to Build a Boat".
- Steven Wright.
The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.
"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there - if I get there; so I really need your help. What can I do?"
The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones, "Pay me in advance."
Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."
I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.
The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.
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