E-Mail Screw-ups. Many Universities, colleges and businesses tend to strip the last name down to 6 characters and add the first and last initial to either the begining or end to make up an e-mail address, i.e. Mary L. Ferguson = mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the problems that may cause when you have a large and diverse pool of people to choose from. Add to that a large database of company/college acronyms and you have some very funny addresses (probably not funny to the individual involved). Some examples follow: Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) [email protected] Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University) [email protected] George David Blowmer (Drop

A young priest has just left the seminary and been sent to his first parish to work alongside an old experienced priest Father Brown. When he arrives the old priest welcomes him with open arms, explaining that he has been working alone and hasn't had a day off in years. He asks the new priest to take confesson so that he can have a break. The young priest is very nervous as he hasn't done it for real before. The old priest explains that it's easy as he has produced a tariff, and he gives him the list: Telling lies - one Hail Mary; Stealing - one Our Father; etc; etc. So the young priest goes into the confessional and everything seems to be going okay. "Father, I have told a lie," - one

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper. "Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?" "Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's kiss. It's $1.50 per roll." He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft as a bunny, strong but gentle, and it's $1.00 a roll." Pointing to the bottom shelf he tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20 cents per roll." "Give me the No Name," she says. She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, "Hey! I've got a name for your N

Don't you have some laundry to do or something? Oh, you are so cute when you get all pissed off. You're just upset because your butt is beginning to spread. Wait a minute - I get it. What time of the month is it? Shouldn't you consult the great Oprah on this one? Sorry. I was just picturing you naked. Whoa, time out. Football is on. Looks like someone had an extra bowl of B#%$@! flakes this morning! Is there any way we can do this via e-mail? Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain't loaded.

Remember the Golden Rule He who has the gold makes the rules.

Just when you get really good at something, you don't need to do it any more.

Just when you find something you really like, they stop making it.

Prudhomme's Law of Window Washing It's on the OTHER side.

President Bush toured parts of Missouri that were devastated by a recent tornado. There was one awkward moment, when the President looked at the tornado damage and said, "Don't worry, we're going to get whoever did this."

Q: What kind of soup do dogs like? A: Chicken Poodle! ___________________________________________ Q: Why DIDN'T the skeleton cross the road? A: Because he didn't have the guts! ___________________________________________ Q: What's purple and makes you burp? A: BELCH'S Grape Juice!

1. Aquariums + Gratitude = FISH THANKS! 2. Orange Bear + A Ghost = WINNIE THE BOO! 3. Saint Nick + A Grizzly Bear = Santa Claws! 4. Skunk + Kangaroo = STINK-A-ROO!

The sheriff of the small Kansas town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 75 miles per hour in a 35 mile an hour zone. The man behind the wheel, a Chicago commodities trader, was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, "I can't believe you stopped me. This town must be the asshole of the world!" The magistrate replied, "And you'll be what's passing through?"