The Democratic National Committee finally released thousands of pages of financial disclosure information. Says Vince Vieceli, "Unfortunately, they released them from a third-floor balcony in New York during the parade for the Yankees."

John Kallam graduated with a BA in criminology and entered the U.S. Army. He served for 20 years beginning in the late 1930's. He was an investigator during the Nuremberg trials of Nazi war criminals, and stayed in Germany for many years organizing civilian police forces in the post-war era. He also wrote numerous books on criminal justice. He retired from military service in the late 1950's at the rank of full colonel. Returning to Fresno, California, he began teaching criminology at what was then Fresno State College (later to become the California State University, Fresno.) His work was well respected, but after about ten years of service, he was called to see the president of the colleg

A 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast, and everybody had to be off the streets or risk being shot. However, one citizen was shot at 9.45pm. "Why did you do that?" the soldier was asked by his superior officer. "I know where he lives," came the reply, "and he wouldn't have made it."

A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner, "Do your Shih Tzu dogs breed well?" The owner says,"Sure they do." After a minute, the man says, with a grin, "What about your bull dogs?" "Yes they breed well, too." The man, happy with this, buys both. The owner asks, "Why do you need to know that anyway?" The man replies, "I'm going to go home and breed a bullshit!"

(Told You So)

"Do you want me to give you a knuckle sandwich?" "Sure, but I want it cut into triangles and with the crust peeled off."

Seems Paris Hilton is having visits from a speech therapist - she's having trouble finishing a sentence!

Grocery List; (noun) A piece of paper you spend half an hour writing, and then forget to take with you to the store.

Lipstick; (noun) On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear!

Foreign Film Any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn't a western.

Battle Where a whole lot of white men kill a few Indians. Massacre Where a whole lot of Indians kill a few white men.

Man A remarkable animal whose head swells when you pat his back. Woman Creature who acts nice to you because she doesn't like you, or mean, because she does. People Some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened. Optimist Girl who regards a bulge as a curve. Pessimist Man who looks for a pink slip before the money in his pay envelope.