The following is something actually said by my dad. I wanted to see what my dad would say if I said I might be gay, here was his reaction. YOU'D BETTER NOT BE!! EVEN IF I HAVE TO BUY YOU SOME PUSSY, YOU WILL NOT BE GAY!!!!!!

Why do they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken. (Apologies to anyone who's offended - but it IS funny, which is the only valid test of a joke; if it's funny and someone is offended by it, considering WHY they're offended even though it's a joke can provide insight into their attitude toward the topic.) "I learned the truth from Lenny Bruce" - Paul Simon.

Marble is a valuable building material and should not be taken for granite.

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

I learned French in six easy liasons.

When a man wants to believe something, it doesn't take much to convince him.

Earlier today, I took a glimpse at the news. They were doing a report on a new recipe for twinkies. Now they will taste healthier, but still have the same amount of calories, because of course, people can taste health.

"They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off." - Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.

Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. - Socrates (470 - 399 BC)

British Columbia, Canada: Police officers on patrol about 1:00 am spotted 4 men breaking into a vehicle. They gave chase on foot, catching and arresting two of the men. The other two escaped. A couple of hours later, two men showed up at the main desk of the police station, asking when their buddies were going to be released. They were carrying (and wearing) items which had been stolen from the car.