The teacher asked little Andy if he knew his numbers yet. "Yes, teacher," he said, "my dad taught me." "Good, Andy. Tell me what comes after two," the teacher said. "Three," replied Andy. "Very good. What comes after five, Andy?" asked the teacher. "Six," answered Andy. "Excellent. Your dad did a very good job. Now, what comes after ten?" the teacher asked. "A jack!" replied Andy.

Having just graduated from Harvard, the young man was very excited thinking about his future. Getting into a taxi, the driver says to him, "How are you on this beautiful, sunny day?" "I'm the class of 2006. I just graduated from Harvard and I'm very excited about getting out there and seeing what the world has in store for me!" The driver shakes the young man's hand and replies, "Congratulations, young man. I'm George, class of 1968."

One day, during math class, the teacher asked Little Johnny, "If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many would you have?" "Seven," replied Johnny. "No, Johnny. Listen carefully this time. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many would you have?" asked the teacher. "Seven!" insisted Johnny. "Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples, two apples and another two apples, how many would you have?" the teacher asked. "Six," Johnny answered. "Good, Johnny, that's right," said the teacher. "Now, if I give you two rabbits, two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many would you have?" "Seven!" Johnny said. "Johnny, how on

The social studies teacher had just completed a lesson on war and peace. "How many of you," the teacher asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, every student in the class raised their hand. "Who would like to give us their reason for being opposed to war?" asked the teacher. Little Johnny, sitting at the back of the class, immediately raised his hand. "Johnny, what is your reason?" the teacher asked. "I hate wars," explained Johnny, "because wars make history, and I hate History!"

A well-endowed university student was always being teased by her sorority sisters for being a size 36DD. One night, at a fraternity party, a young man asked her what she would like to drink. "I'll have a diet soda, please," she replied. "Oh, you must be the double D," he said. Furious, the girl wondered which one of her so-called friends had divulged such personal information. "And just what do you mean by that?" she snapped. Confused by her angry response, the man stammered, "You know, the designated driver."

A young man goes off to college, but about one-third of the way through the semester, he's foolishly squandered the money his parents had given him. "Hmmmm," he wonders. "How am I going to go about getting more dough?" Then he gets and idea and phones his father. "Dad, you won't believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with!" he says. "Why, they have a program here that will teach Rex how to talk!" "That's amazing!" exclaims his father. "How do I get him in that program?" "Just send him down here with $1000," the son says, "I'll get him into the course." So his father sends the dog and the $1000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, he again runs out of money.

The teacher told her students they would start their day with the Pledge of Allegiance, instructing them to place their right hand over their heart and repeat after her. As she began to recite the Pledge, she looked around the room and noticed that Little Johnny hand his hand over the right cheek of his behind. "Little Johnny," she said, "we will not continue until you place your hand over your heart." "It is over my heart," Little Johnny replied innocently. She attempted to get Little Johnny to place his hand over his heart several times, all to no avail. Finally, frustrated, she asked, "What makes you think that's your heart?" "Well, whenever Grandma comes to visit," Johnny explained,

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items in front of him. When the class began, he picked up a very large, empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, approximately two inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full and they agreed that it was. Next, he picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So, he picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He again asked the students if the jar was full. They responded with a unanimo

When Little Johnny got his exam paper back, he saw a big red F staring back at him. Billy looked at his glum friend and asked, "Why did you get such a low mark on that test?" "Because of absence," Johnny answered. "You mean you were absent on the day of the test?" Billy inquired. Little Johnny replied, "I wasn't, but the kid who sits next to me was."

The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time, so she decided to get his attention. "Johnny," she said, "if the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I?" Johnny answered, "Thirty-four." The teacher replied, "Well, that's not far from my age. Tell me ... how did you guess?" "Oh, there's nothing to it," Johnny said. "My big sister is seventeen and she's only half-crazy."

WARNING- this is very racial. Please forgive me if it offends you, but its true when you think about it. Since we have so many Mexicans saying,"o we want to serve you americans, work in america...",why dont we just put them in the army. We give them our supplies. They go, jump the border like no manyana and set up base. With all the tanks the Iraqis have, they go and before you notice it they have the wheeles, the tank is up on cinder blocks and they are out of there, just like they do in the city. We have tanks, with guns that turn 360 degrees. 360. So if you think about it, its like a drive by. So lets let all the blacks go in and control the tanks. So we get into Iraq, and we have a driv

Yo momma so stupid she copied someone in an exam and got less than them.