Nick's Grandma gave him a map to her house. The address was 1767 Old Miffs Road. Nick traveled till he got to Old Miffs road. He didn't pay attention to the sign and thought he was lost. He stopped at a woman's house and she opened the door. "Why hello there!" the woman said. "Nice to see you, Nick." Nick couldn't hear her, so he asked "Do you know where 1767 Old Miffs Road is?" "You're here," she said, but Nick still couldn't hear her. He went to a different house down the road. He asked "Do you know where 1767 Old Miffs Road is?" "Yes, it's right there." "This isn't Old Miffs Road!" "Pay attention to street signs."

There once was a blonde who was writing a book. She didn't know what else to write, so she took a block from her little sisters toy box and went to go and watch TV. Her mom comes in and sees the book on the table with the wooden block on it. She goes ask her daughter what it was and her blonde daughter responded, "It's writers block mommy!"

A man was sitting in a plane when another man sat down in the seat beside him. The new fellow was a wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear. "Hey, pal, what's the matter?" the first fellow asked. "I've been transferred to Los Angeles, California," he answered nervously. "They have riots, drugs, the highest crime rate in the country ... " "Wait a minute," the first fellow said. "I've lived in L.A. all my life and I can assure you it's nowhere near as bad as the media reports. Find yourself a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world." The second fellow stopped shaking for a moment and

The once was a lung doctor waiting outside a patient's room of who she didn't know. A different doctor came up to her with a shot canister and said 'I need you to go in the and draw blood from this guy' 'Ok, simple!' she responded. She walks in the room and there strapped down to the table was a big muscley guy who was in there for taking drugs.' He sits there struggling to get out. The wrist bands look as if they're about to break. The lung doctor storms out of there and spots the doctor. She says 'Ok if you want to get a needle stuck and play hostage today that's fine. But there's no way in hell I'm going in there and sticking that hulk with a needle' She hands him the shot canister and wa

Carole was planning her upcoming wedding and asked to wear her mother's wedding gown. When she tried it on, it was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Suddenly, her mother's eyes filled with tears. Putting an arm around her, Carole lovingly said, "Don't cry, Mom. Remember, you aren't losing a daughter, you're gaining a son." "Oh, it's not that," her mother sobbed. "I used to fit into that gown!"

Q: What is the difference between a dog and a fox? A: About five drinks.

Why is it dangerous to go in the jungle after 5 p.m? Because elephants jump out of trees after 5 p.m. Why do beavers have flat tails? Because they go in the jungle after 5 p.m!

Everyone on a passenger ship could see a bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is that man?" a passenger asked the ship's captain. "Why is he so upset?" "I have no idea," the Captain replied, "but, every year when we pass by here, he goes crazy."

An old Indian is standing on the corner, when an attractive young woman passes by. The Indian raises his hand in greeting, and says, "Chance!" The same thing happens several days in a row. The woman walks past and the old Indian raises his hand and says, "Chance!" Finally, she can't ignore it any longer, so she stops and asks, "You're an Indian, aren't you?" The Indian nods. She says, "I always thought Indians said 'How!' as a greeting." The Indian replies, "Already know 'how'. Just want 'chance'."

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they run?" he asked the clerk. "That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000." "Let's see the $2.00 model," he said. The clerk put the device around the man's neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed. "How does it work?" the customer asked. "For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!"

Is the reason they make oriental flavored noodles for Americans to get back at them for eating our dogs?

Supermarket A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn. Though I do have to say... I don't buy my toilet paper there.