A Thanksgiving Cookbook by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook. Meghan H. - Turkey You cut it into 16 pieces and then you leave it in the oven for 15 minutes and 4 degrees. You take it out and let it cool and then after 5 minutes, then you eat it. Megan K - Chicken You put it in the oven for 25 minutes and 25 degrees and put gravy on it and eat it. Christa - Cookies Buy some dough and smash it and cut them out. Then put them in the oven for 2 hours at 100 degrees. Then take them out and dry them off. Then it's time to eat them. Jordan Simons - Chocolate Pudding Buy some chocolate pudding mix

A Thanksgiving Cookbook by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook. Jason - Chicken Pie Put the chicken in the pot and put the salad and cheese and mustard and then you mix it all together. Then put chicken sauce and stir it all around again. Then you cook it for 5 minutes at 9 degrees. Then you eat it. Christopher - Pumpkin Pie First you buy a pumpkin and smash it. Then it is all done. And you cook it in the oven for 12 minutes and 4 degrees. Then you eat it. Christine - Turkey First you buy the turkey. Then you cook it for 5 hours and 5 degrees. Then you cut it up and you eat it. Isabelle - Sp

Special Cheesecake One of my co-workers decided it was time to shed some excess weight. She took her new diet so seriously that she even changed her driving route to avoid her favorite bakery. One morning, however, she arrived at work carrying a gigantic cheesecake. We all scolded her, but her smile remained cherubic. "This is a very special cheesecake," she explained. "I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window was a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, 'Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious cheesecakes, let me have a parking spot directly in front of the bakery', and sure enough," she continued, "the ninth time around the bl

An attorney got home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for his client, Wilbur Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the state governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed. As soon as he got through the door, his wife started on about, "What time of night do you call this? Where the hell have you been?" and so on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a very large whisky and headed off to the bathroom for a long hot soak - pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks. While he was in the bath the phone rang. His wife answered and

A little boy put on his baseball uniform and went outside to play, chanting "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!" He throws the ball in the air, swings and misses. Strike one! He adjusts his hat and says, "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!" He throws the ball in the air, swings and misses. Strike two! He adjusts his hat a little more, takes a couple of practice swings and says, "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!" Once more, he throws the ball in the air, swings and misses again. Strike three! He thinks for a few moments about what just took place, then says, "I'm the best pitcher in the world!"

While visiting a relative in Chicago, a University of Alabama student went to a party where he met a very attractive co-ed. Attempting to strike up a conversation with her, he asked, "Where does you go to school?" The co-ed, not at all impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, thought she would at least be polite and answer. "Yale," she said. Taking a deep breath, the UA student shouted, "I says, where does you go to school?"

Why do the Arkansas cheerleaders wear bibs? To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.

Bubba finally agreed to take his wife, Sue Ellen, to a play. They had hardly sat down when he jumped up and said "Sue Ellen, we gotta go!" With Sue Ellen in tow, Bubba stomped out to the foyer, demanded his money back, and they left the theater. When they got out onto the sidewalk, Sue Ellen said, "Now you tell me what's wrong, Bubba Leroy, and you tell me right now, or I ain't goin' another step." Bubba said, "Sue Ellen, I ain't no fool and I'm an only child. We done paid $20 of egg money for this here play and I heard somebody say that the second act was 10 years later! We ain't got that kinda money to be wastin' on play actin' when we ain't even sure where we gonna be in 10 years."

The children in the Sunday school class were asked by their teacher to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. When she looked at little Ricky's picture, she was puzzled to see that he had drawn four people in an airplane, so she asked him which story it represented. Little Ricky replied, "That's the Flight to Egypt." "Oh, I see," said the teacher. "That must be Mary, Joseph and the Baby Jesus, but who's the fourth person?" "That's Pontius ... the Pilot!" answered Ricky.

One Sunday morning, a man attended the service at the local church. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that he stopped to shake his hand. "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I have ever heard," the man said. "Thank you, sir," the Reverend replied, "but I must ask that you not use profanity in the Lord's house." "Sorry, Reverend, I just can't help myself," said the man, "that was just such a damn good sermon." "Sir, please," replied the Reverend. "Again I ask you not to use profanity in church." "Okay, Reverend," the man said. "I just want you to know that I thought it was so damn good that I put $5000 in the collection plate." "No shit!" exclaimed the Reverend.

Attending her first confession, the new nun tells the priest that she has a terrible secret. "Sister Dominique," the priest says, your secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional." "Father," she says, "I never wear underwear under my habit." With a little chuckle, the priest says, "That is not too serious, Sister Dominique. For penance, say three Hail Marys, three Our Fathers and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar."

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. He gave the organist a copy of the service and asked her if she could come up with some kind of inspirational music to play, after he made the announcement about the finances, to help put the congregation in a giving mood. "Don't worry, I'll come up with something," she said. During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and sisters, we find ourselves in great difficulty. The cost of the roof repairs is twice as much as we expected, and we need $4000 more. Any of you who are able to pledge $100 or more,