Once there were two farmers; one had a daughter and the other had a son. When their kids were teenagers they started dating, and the two farmers encouraged it. One day the girl's father went over to the other farmer's house and said that he didn't want their children dating any more. The boy's father asked, "Why not?" The other farmer said, "Come here and I'll show you." In his yard was the girl's name written in pee in the snow. The boy's father said, "Oh, come on, that's just boy stuff." The other farmer said, "You think I don't know my own daughter's handwriting?"

One radio station prank took place on April Fool's Day. They announced that the phone company would be cleaning the dirt out of the phone lines that afternoon. They do it, as it seems, by blowing air into the wires in the switching station. The problem is that the dirt comes out of the earpiece and mouthpiece of the telephone and could dirty the rugs or furniture in your house. Consequently, the phone company asks that the good citizens please get plastic bags and put them over the handsets of the telephones to protect their belongings. Stores reported a run on plastic bags, and the phone company made the radio station retract the original claim.

Back in the days of the Mattel Cabbage Patch Kid craze it was usually very hard to get one for the kiddies. A radio station (I don't know where) announced that Mattel was going to get Cabbage Patch Kids out to the people of this particular city. The plan was that they had to go to the football field of the local university and wait. An airplane would fly overhead and the dolls would be dropped onto the field. People were supposed to hold their credit cards up so that a photographer with a telephoto lens in the airplane could get the credit card numbers and charge the price of the dolls to the recipients' accounts. People actually showed up, waving American Express cards in the breeze.

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door. "Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one." "Okay," says the butcher, "let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man. "That one is too skinny. What else have you got?" says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man. "Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You'd better give me both of them

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she's not feeling well. "What's the matter?" he asks. "I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice. "What in the hell is anal glaucoma?" he inquires. "Well, I just can't see my ass coming to work today."

A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian. His lawyer argued, "Your Honor, my client has been driving for over twenty-five years." "Your Honor," the plaintiff's lawyer retored, "if this case is going to be judged by experience, may I remind you that my client has been walking for over fifty years!"

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, he goes back to his room and orders a pizza. Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up at the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?" The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on pizza what you order: pepper only."

While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person. "How does that thing work?" she asked. As I turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, my sister laughed. "I see ... it's a lot like my husband," she said. "You have to twist his arm to get anything out of him."

A teacher was sitting at her desk grading papers when her first-grade class came back from lunch. Alice informed the teacher, "Paul has to go to the principal's office." "I wonder why," the teacher mused. "Because he's a following person," Alice replied. "A what?" the teacher asked. "It came over the loudspeaker: 'The following persons are to go to the office.'"

How many dicks can a redneck girl take at a time? It depends on how many brothers she has.

Yo Mama is so poor she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.

A Thanksgiving Cookbook by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class. NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook. Ivette - Banana Pie You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it. Russell - Turkey You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it. Geremy - Turkey You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you