If I'm canoeing up a tree, how many cupcakes does it take to get to the moon? None, since vests don't have sleeves.

How many Hubluzas does it take to screw in a lightbulb? There is no lightbulb!

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit? Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? Can you make a candle out of your earwax? When French people swear do they say pardon my English? Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first? If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later? Can a fire truck park in the fire lane? Can it be cloudy and foggy at the same time? "Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute? Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time? Are marbles made of marble? Why does the last piece of ice always

Boys make good pets! Princess in training! At least I can still smoke in my car Caution, Blind Man Driving. "Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make." All trespassers will be shot on sight. All survivors will then be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day! "To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail."-Michael Jordan "No BLOOD no foul." "Life's an Ocean, Sail It" "We are going to rip off your testicles.......and slash your tires." - Nip Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you! I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back. Half the pe

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, "Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west."

Rhett Jacobs, Democratic candidate for the South Carolina House and a man who listed "education" as his top priority, submitted a required campaign disclosure form in October, handwritten, on which he detailed expenses for "filling fee," "campain work" and "litature."

As the plane was flying low over hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?" "Just snow," replied the stewardess. "That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece."

One day, someone phoned Central Manhattan Office. Caller: Good afternoon. I'm John Smith. Operator: GOOD AFTERNOON! CAN I HELP YOU? Caller: Who are you? Why are you so rude? Operator: WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR? Caller: I am looking for my sister, Gabrielle Smith. She works here, right? Operator: SHE IS IN THE TOILET! Caller: Okay. Now I want to know who you are. Why are you so rude? Operator: I'M SAW LEE! Caller: Oh, you should be sorry because you are so rude! Then the caller hung up the phone. *Try to pronounce "SAW LEE". It sounds like "SORRY", right?

This story is true. I heard my brother tell it to my cousins when we went out spotlighting. Well my brother and 2 of his friends were drunk. One of my brothers friends were so drunk he passed out. I forget what he landed on, but the power went out. The blond comes screaming "What's happening??!!" my brother and his other friend reply,"The house is falling down!!" So the blond runs to the door and pushes up on the doorway, and turns beet red. I don't know the erst of the story because my brother had just remembered I was in the car. He knew I would tell mom everything he said that was bad because I'm 12.

Buy company, fire them. Beware of machine guns.

Good friends are the ones who will bail you out of jail. But... TRUE friends are the ones who wil be sitting next to you in prison and say, "You know, we sure messed up there, buddy!"

A lawyer in Basic Math class "What is two plus two?" "Well, first let us decide the parties. The first two is party A. Now first, where are the signatures that my client two WANTS to be added to the party B, two. I see no signatures, and therefore the two twos shan't be together until further paperwork is done. Two and two remain separate, CASE CLOSED!"