Your momma's teeth are so yellow, that when she opened her mouth, a black guy said "nice grillz!" Your momma's so fat 'n hairy that when she went to the mueseum someone yelled "the mammoth's alive!" Your momma's so hairy that when she was on the set of king kong, the director said "I thought I only ordered 1 gorrila!" Your momma's so old and gassy that when she farted the dinasours became extinct! Your momma's so stupid that they invented the books for dummys just for her! Your momma's so skinny that god used her to clean his teeth! Your momma's so ugly that when she stepped out of her house, people ran away saying "I didn't know they were shooting a horror movie here!" Your momma's s

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.

Don't lend people money...it gives them amnesia.

A boy comes home from school saying, "3rd grade math has way bigger numbers than 2nd grade!" His dad replies, "Don't worry, when you start getting a paycheck they get smaller again."

If you use your rollaway tool box for your bedroom dresser. If you are afraid to mow your lawn because you might find out where Grandma's been for the last two months.

All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way.

Any wire cut to length will be too short.

Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed.

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

Yo momma's so ugly when she walks in a room mice jump on chairs!

Be content with what you've got, but be sure you've got plenty of it.