Yo dadda liked women until he saw yo momma.

My mom's favorite joke, played on some radio station. ORIGINAL JOKE: Johnny- Mother, can I have another piece of cake? Mother- Yes, you may have more cake, but if you do, you'll explode! Well, Johnny ate another piece of cake and sure enough, he exploded. RIDDLE: What sits next to mother, eats cake and explodes? Give up? JOHNNY! FORGET PUNCHLINE: You- Johnny asks mother if he can have another piece of cake. Mother says yes, but if you do, you'll explode.So then Johnny er... Johnny um Johnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy erm listens to mother?

This is funny

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Henny Youngman

Why does a dog have fur? 'Cause if he didn't he'd be a little "bare"!

How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen? --------------------- 54. Two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray. What is the difference between a large pizza and a Jew? --------------------- The large pizza won't scream when you put it in the oven.

What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza? -------------- a large pizza can feed a family of four What do sperm and black men have in common? -------------- only one in a million work!!

Alabama • A 1950 anti-obscenity law in Irondale, Ala., prohibited any showing of anyone nude or "in a substantially nude state" except a babe in arms. • Anniston: You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street. • An ordinance in Linden, Ala., provided that all women of "uncertain chastity" had to be off the streets by 9 p.m. • Bear wrestling matches are prohibited. • Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. • Children of incestuous couples are deemed legitimate. • Dominoes may not be played on Sunday. • Hunting is not allowed on Sunday. • Incestuous marriages are legal. • It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. • It is illegal to imp

Alaska • A law in Fairbanks does not allow moose to have sex on city streets. (O_o) • Even though it is legal to hunt a bear, it is illegal to wake a bear for photo opportunities. (is shooting waking?) • Fairbanks: It is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose. (but why?) • In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone's ear while they are moose hunting. • It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. (How did the moose get in the flippin plane?) • Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time. • Moose may not be viewed from an airplane. • State policy states that emergencies are held to a minimum and rarely found t

Arizona • A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. • Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony (This goes back in the days of the Wild West). • Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American. • Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. • Due to a typographical error in the Tempe, Ariz., code, a shooting range can be run by the "Amateur Crapshooting Association." • Glendale: Cars may not be driven in reverse. • Hayden: If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined. • Hunting camels is prohibited. • In 1985, an Arizona legislator proposed that each candidate for the legislature take a reading

California • A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who detonates a nuclear device within city limits. • Alhambra: You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit. • Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. • A regulation in San Francisco makes it unlawful to use used underwear to wipe off cars in a car wash. • Arcadia: Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways. • A server in California can be convicted of selling to a minor if the purchaser uses a false or altered ID to buy the alcohol. • Baldwin Park: Nobody is allowed to ride a b

What do you call a drive-by shooting in Chinatown? A cappuchino.