This is true! In a speech George W. Bush made in 2001 he concluded: But all in all, my wife and I have had a wonderful year! (2001 was the year that the Twin Towers were destroyed)

I was recently riding with a friend of mine. We were coming to a red light, and he shoots right through it. I ask him, "Why'd you do that?" He tells me this is how his brother drives. We come to another red light, and again, he shoots right through it. I ask him, "Why'd you do that?" Again, he tells me this is how his brother drives. We come to a green light, and he SLAMS on the brakes. My heart nearly goes into my throat. I shouted at him, "Why do you do that?!" He replied, "You never know, my brother could be coming the other way."

How can you tell the difference between a blonde and a red head? Hair color.

How do you get pikachu on a bus? You pokemon.

Lou sat at the bar furiously pounding down shots of whiskey. His best friend, Jim, spotted him and said, "Lou, what's going on? Are you okay? I've known you for fifteen years and I've never seen you drink like this before." Staring at his next filled shot glass, Lou replied, "My wife just ran off with my best friend," and tossed that drink down, too. "But I thought that I was your best friend?" said Jim. Lou looked at Jim through bloodshot eyes and slurred, "Not any more!"

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps,free medical care, and free education!" The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican." The man goes on and encounters another passerby."Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!" The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese." The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful America!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East, I am not American!

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol - Dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead. Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead . Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive. So the Minister asked the congregation,"What can you learn

What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a pig? Jurassic pork!

I was at my friends house and we were bragging about how little we can eat. My friend J.B sister said some times I don't eat all day. I asked her, "oh you fast?" Then she says, "No, I'm actually pretty slow." Then her mom told her fasting is not eating for a long time. That is why breakfast is called breakfast, to break your fast and eat. Then his sister goes, "How do you know?" I busted a gut so bad. She should have been a blond.

A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat. HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today." HER "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." HIM "OK, darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news." HER "Well, the air bag works."

One man solved his problem of too many visiting relatives by borrowing money from the rich ones and loaning it to the poor ones.

What's the difference between the Library of Congress and the House of Representatives? In the Library of Congress you're not allowed to lick the pages!