What two things in the air can make a blonde pregnant? Her Legs

Little Johnny was sitting outside a church playing with sulphuric acid. The priest came up to him and said "Child why are you playing with sulphuric acid? Thats dangerous! I've got some holy water inside that is much more powerful." Little Johnny relied "How come?" "Well last week I splashed some holy water on Mrs.Wilson's tummy and she passed a baby!" said the priest proudly. "Thats nothing," retorted Little Johnny "I spashed some sulphuric acid on my dog's balls and he passed a Ferrari!"

Whats the difference between a good egg and a good fart? You can't beat a good fart!

Blind Hookers eh? You've got to hand it to them.

A man and a women are making love for the first time. "Cor what a small organ!" the women sniggered "It may be small, darling" replied the man "but it's never played in a Cathedral before!"

How many men does it take to open a beer? None it should be open by the time she brings it to you. Why are women's feet so small? So they can stand closer to the sink. How much does it cost to fix a woman's watch? Nothing, theres a clock on the oven. Your wife is at the front door yelling at you to open the door for her and your dog is at the back door barking his head off to be let in. Which one do you let in first? The dog, he shuts up when you let him in the house. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist? A woman who won't shut up and do what a man tells her.

Four Catholic women are sitting in a cafe sipping their tea, talking about their great sons. Soon it begins as a contest to see who has the best son. The first woman proudly declares, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room people call him 'Father." The second woman replies even more proudly, "My son is a bishop, when he walks into a room people call him 'My Grace." The third woman thinking she wins replies, "My son is a Cardinal! When he walks into a room people say, 'My Eminence." The fourth woman says nothing but sips her tea quietly. The three women stare at her and then ask her what is so special about her son. With a smug look on her face she replies, "My son is a 6' 5" muscular

A woman's breasts are like a child's toys. They are meant for the child - but the husband is the one that usually ends up playing with them.

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune. "Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs!" "Blowjobs!" the woman replied. "It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said. The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never n

Three vampires go into a bar. The bartender asks the first one, "What can I getcha?" The first vampire replies, "I'll have a pint of blood". The bartender then asks the second vampire, and he too orders a pint of blood. The bartender turns to the third vampire and asks, "What about you?" The third vampire says, "I think I'll have a pint of plasma." The bartender says, "OK, so that will be two Bloods and one Blood Lite."

There are three well known rings to marriage: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering!

Yo mama's like Humpty Dumpty.... first she gets humped, then she gets dumped!