Top Jokes
A Nevada fugitive wanted on fraud charges was arrested in Connecticut after he blew his cover by applying for a job... as a police officer. The Connecticut cops discovered the man's fugitive status during a standard background check. He had passed both the written and agility tests before being found out. Police called the man in to headquarters under the guise of getting his fingerprints, and served him with an arrest warrant instead.
A repeat offender got a life sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49.73 worth of boxer shorts, panties, a sports bra and some cigarette lighters from a Wal-Mart store. His mistake was flashing a knife at a security g
A man was lost for hours when he suddenly came up to a house.
The man knocked on the door and asks to enter. The woman who owns the house asked, "Who is it?"
The man answered, "I and I King Silassi I Jah Rasta Fari."
The lady replied, "Go away, there are too many of you for me to let you in."
Sorry I'm late... I had to walk down stairs... since yo momma took up the entire elevator and it broke.
A man boarded an airplane in Sydney, Australia, with a box of crabs.
A female crew member took it and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.
Shortly before landing, she couldn't remember who gave her the package, so she announced to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in Sydney please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them herself!
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and asked Bubba what
This is completely true!
Okay, so it was after dinner and my sister, dad and I were at the table just kinda goofing off then my sister asked me this riddle:
There is one man in a jungle, he reaches into his pocket and takes something out, it has a head and a tail but no body, yet he is not afraid. What was the thing he found in his pocket?
I couldn't figure it out so my dad gave me a hint:
you can flip it.
I still could not figure it out.
What do you flip? asked my dad.
Then I was all like:
A coin. A COIN! A COIN! THAT'S IT, A COIN!!!
What can I say? I'm a blonde, but it doesn't count too much because I have dirty blonde hair and blonde and dirty blonde isn't the same thing.
1. Chuck Norris beat the brick wall in tennis.
2. The boogy man does not wait for chuck norris, Chuck Norris waits for the boogy man.
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. The cemetary must be the best place on earth; people are dying to get in there.
4. Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them.
5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6. Don't take life too seriously; no-one gets out alive.
7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10. I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing.
11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy,
One employee asked another, "How long have you been working here?"
The second said, "Ever since the boss threatened to fire me!"
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