Penis breath, a lover's dread. Is what you get when you give head. Unpleasant as it tends to be. Be grateful that he doesn't pee. It's times like this you wonder why. You bother reaching for his fly. But it's too late, can't be a tease. Accept the facts, get on your knees. You know you've got a job to do. So open up and shove it through. Lick the tip then take it all. Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl. Slide up and down, use your tongue. And feel the precum start to run. So when the fuck's he gonna cum. Just when you can't take anymore. Your hear your lover's mighty roar. And when he hit's that real high note. You feel it oozing down your throat. Salty, fishy, sticky,

Big Bad Wolf: The big bad wolf said to Little Red Riding Hood, "unbutton your blouse and let me suck your tits." "Fuck off," she replied as she tugged down her panties. "Eat me, like the fuckin' book says." Pinocchio: Pinocchio was fed up with the recent complaints from his wife. "Every time we make love, I get splinters." So Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gepetto the Carpenter, for advice. "Sandpaper," said the carpenter, "that's what you need." Pinocchio took the sandpaper home. A few weeks later, the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again. "How are you getting along with the girls now?" "Who needs girls?" replied Pinocchio. Cinderella: Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her w

Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System 1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices. 2. Hey folks, were going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts. 3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airlines new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza. 4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!! 5. ummmmmm....Sorry......(silen

A loaded mini van pulled in to the only remaining site at a campground. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. Impressed, a nearby camper sauntered over and said to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork." "I have a system," the father replied. "No one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."

A couple enjoyed getting away from their high-stress jobs by spending weekends in their motor home, but their peace and quiet was often disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers. Finally, they found a way to assure themselves privacy. They painted a sign near their RV's door: "Ask us about our Whole Life policies!"

On the other hand you have five fingers.

Some people have friends who are dwarfs, not me I have a friend who is a midget dwarf. He is the guy who poses for the sport trophys

Women like silent men - they think they're listening.

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong; she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

Twinkle, twinkle little star how I wonder what you are Shine upon a parking lot As I eat my girlfriends twat. Peter, Peter pumpkin eater Saw a chick but couldn't meet her Saw her brother one fine day Sucked his cock and now he's GAY. Jack Sprat could eat no fat His wife could eat no lean So he ignored her flabby tits An licked her asshole clean. Eenie Meanie Miney Mo Suck my dick and swallow slow. Mary Mary quite contrary Shave that pussy its so damn hairy. Hickory Dickory Dock Some chick was sucking my cock The clock struck two I blew my goo And dumped the bitch off at the next block. Hickory Dickory Dock Some chick was sucking my cock It was quite scary all wrinkled and hairy.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. - Henny Youngman My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - George Burns What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. - Cindy Garner I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake." - Henny Youngman Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henny Youngman People are always asking couples who

And then there was the glass-blower who got hiccups and made 764 marbles.