I was at home one day when my son walked in on me and my husband.He said "Momma i found this moving around on the floor".(holding up my vibrator)I said "huh?"he asked if he could play with it...I said sure not knowing what it was at the time....I come out of my room go in his and its in his ass. Needless to say,he has watched me.

What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg? Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

1/20/09: End of an Error That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway Let's Fix Democracy in This Country First If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet? George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight America: One Nation, Under Surveillance They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It Whose God Do You Kill For? Cheney/Satan '08 Jail to the Chief No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq? Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap Bad President! No Banana. We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language We're Making Enemies Faster Than We C

Why is revenge sweet, but payback is a b*tch?

Age 1: You don't piddle in your pants Age 4: You can walk without help Age 21: You can drive Age 60: You can drive Age 70: You can walk without help Age 80: You don't piddle in your pants

90 percent of people in Idaho say, "Oh shit!" when in a car wreck, The other ten percent say, "Hold my beer and watch this shit!"

The other day I was watching the news and there was the strangest story. You see a man went to Huck's gas station and was filling up his red gas holder for emergencies during the winter, and when he put the cap on some sloshed out onto his arm. He didn't think anything of it and went on ahead and got in his car and drove off. Two miles down the road he lit up a cigarette and caught his arms on hands on fire! He pulled off to the side and a cop driving by pulled over by him. And you know what he gave the man a ticket... for illegal use of fire-arms.

In WW2 Captain Saunders was wounded in battle and captured by the Germans. He was sent to a German military hospital. On his first day in the hospital a doctor came, bearing bad news, "we have to amputate your legs." The Captain was very sad, however he asked the doctor if his legs could be dropped in his commanders next bombing mission over Britain. The doctor asked his commander, and he said yes. And sure enough it was dropped. On the second day the doctor came bearing more bad news, "we have to amputate your left arm." The Captain was sadder than before, but he asked if this could also be dropped, in the commander's next mission. The answer was yes and it was dropped. On the third day,

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your Amazonian whipping?" The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch. "What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.

I was sitting in chat room, Feeling mildly amused, When I saw something strange, That left me all confused. Someone typed a word, (As far as I could tell) But I had never seen it. What is an LOL? Then the plot got thicker, More words I didn't know, A person started typing, The word LMAO. I sat there in amazement, I felt like a dumb toad. Could it be, these people, Were speaking in a code? That's when I looked closer. And found the subtle clue. I figured out this code And I'll share it now, with you. LOL is three little words, That seem, to me, quite shady. Why would someone ever write The words, "Lean Over Lady"? LMAO, was more obscure, It made me sweat my socks! LMAO is a comman

Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed that an Unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered up by the US Air Force and the federal government. However, you may NOT know that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after that historic day, Albert Arnold Gore, Jr., Hillary Rodham, John F Kerry, William Jefferson Clinton, Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein, Charles E Schumer, and Barbara Boxer were born. See what happens when aliens breed with sheep? This piece of information may clear up a lot of things.

Santa:Oye, you know once, when I was very young, I jumped from the 20th floor of a building. Banta: Then what happened? Did you survived or die? Santa replied: "Oye, I forgot, that was years ago".