You are not as stupid as you look. That would be impossible.

"What shall we play today?" Cori asked her best friend Judy. "Let's play 'school'!" said Judy. "Okay," said Cori, "But I'm going to be absent."

A blonde and a brunette have been fighting for over an hour about the sun. The brunette yells,"THE SUN IS A STAR!!!" The blonde yells,"NO IT'S EVERYONE IN THE WORLD'S FARTS!" The brunette says to the blonde,"Girl, you couldn't play any stupider!" Shocked, the blonde says in reply,"Who's playing?"

Yo momma so old, she was at the afterparty when Moses brought down the Ten Commandments.

Yo momma so stupid, when Moses brought down the Ten Commandments, she said, "Where's the ketchup?" HINT:commandments condiments

This guy comes walking out of a store carrying a big grandfather's clock. A drunk man bumps into him and the guy drops the clock and smashes it all to hell. The guy says, "Why don't you watch where you're going?" and the drunk says, "Why don't you carry a wrist watch like everybody else?"

Yo Momma so ugly, she walks down the street and a little boy says,"look Mommy, there's Shrek!"

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60 year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing happens." "Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing happens." "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old. "No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all." "So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?" "No, I have one every morning at 6:30." Exasperated, the 60-year-old s

I asked the Lord to tell me Why my house is such a mess. He asked if I'd been 'computering', And I had to answer, "yes." He told me to get off my fanny And tidy up the house. And so I started cleaning up... The smudges off my mouse. I wiped and shone the topside. That really did the trick... I was just admiring my work... I didn't mean to 'click.' But click, I did, and oops I found A real absorbing site That I got SO way into... I was into it all night.> Nothing's changed except my mouse It's very, very shiny. I guess my house will stay a mess... While I sit here on my hiney.

A few decades from now, George Bush will die (everyone dies eventually). He goes up to Heaven where he sees a bunch of clocks, and he asks God what the clocks do. "These clocks go forward one minute each time the person tells a lie." Bush looks for his clock. "Where's mine?" "Oh, that one? I use that as a ceiling fan." "WHAT?"

A guy in a restaurant says to the waitress, "I want a cup of coffee without cream." The waitress comes back a few minutes later and says, "I'm sorry, but we're all out of cream. Would you mind taking your coffee without milk?"

Think before you speak... Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back, or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.... FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better. SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After brow