It's more fun to color outside the lines. If you're gonna draw on the wall, do it behind the couch. Ask why until you understand. Even if you've been fishing for 3 hours and haven't gotten anything except poison ivy and a sunburn, you're still better off than the worm. Make up the rules as you go along. It doesn't matter who started it. Ask for sprinkles. If the horse you're drawing looks more like a dog, make it a dog. Save a place in line for your friends.

Sometimes you have to take the test before you've finished studying. If you want a kitten, start out asking for a horse. Picking your nose when no one else is looking is still picking your nose. Just keep banging until someone opens the door. Making your bed is a waste of time. There is no good reason why clothes have to match. Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to. You work so hard pedalling up the hill that you hate to brake on the way down. You can't ask to start over just because you're losing the game.

Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was as pretty as could be. This widow had a grown up daughter, Who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law, And changed my very life; My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me pride and joy, I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad. For if he is my uncle, Then that also made him brother To the widow's grown up daughter Who, of course, was my step mother. Father's wife t

In Clinton, Alabama, it is illegal to molest your automobile. Now how would you go about doing that? And how would your automobile testify against you?

What do you get when the post office burns down? A case of black mail.

1) In Illinois, it is illegal to speak English. Well then, what do they speak? Gibberish? 2) In Crete, Illinois, it is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with someone else's dog. First of all, why would anybody attempt to even have sex with a dog? Second of all, is it okay to attempt to have sex with your own dog? And finally, my favorite one of all. . . 3)In New York, the penalty for jumping off a building is death. Duh! No, we're all going to magically survive a 50 story drop to the concrete below.

What do Gorillas Sleep on in fruit orchards? Apricots.

Why does Tommy run around the school track 98 times every day? He has a run track mind.

How does a rodeo star get around? With a cattle-act.

What happened when Ray Johnson fell off the Empire State Building? Now everyone calls him x-ray.

Why did the Quiz Show give away $10,000 plus one banana? They wanted the prize to have appeal.

Woman's guide to sex: Lay there and pretend to enjoy the experience and when it is done tell your partner it was the best you ever had. Man's guide to sex" In, Out repeat if necessary!