Four-year-old Robert tells his kindergarten teacher that he has a new baby brother, called Spot. "Spot?" says the teacher. "Are you sure it's not a puppy your Dad bought you?" Robert was adamant that his brother's name was Spot - until next morning, when he issued a correction. "Actually, it's Mark."

Speak your mind out when you're angry. You'll make the best speech you'll ever live to regret.

Knock knock? Who's there? Madame. Madame who? Madame foot is stuck in the door!! (My damn foot is stuck in the door.)

Knock knock. Who's there? Cows. Cows who? No, owls hoo, cows moo.

Yo momma so ugly when i punch her she looks better than before.

Yo momma's so fat that when I take a picture of her and hang it on the wall, it still falls down!

What did Margie say about her brain surgeon? "I really gave him a piece of my mind!"

Why should you look out for a pig that knows karate? It might give you a pork chop!

Movie stars are a reel treat!

How did Alfo make a quart of juice from 3 oranges? It was a tight squeeze.

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best lay in town." Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders off and stands at the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom, and it was swe-e-et!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off. Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me..." Finally the guy interrupts: "Go home Dad, you're drunk!"

This old couple is ready to go to sleep so the old man lays on the bed but the old woman lays on the floor. The old man asks, "Why are you going to sleep on the floor?" The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."